The Neverending Nightmare
by lexi.in.wonderland16
Summary: Set post New Moon. When Edward left, Bella got herself in a lot more trouble than he expected. Now, he has to fix the mistake he made and earn her trust back. WARNING: Contains mentions of rape. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

BELLA POV

_"The amount of pain you encounter my child depends on how good of a little girl you are. The more stubborn you act, the more pain you inflict on yourself. I can make this either very painful, or just a tad bit uncomfortable." He walked toward me. He had no weapon except himself. That was enough, but I wasn't going to give in. I just had to hold him off long enough for Jake and the pack to come get me. He just had to come. He had to save me. Then again, maybe death wouldn't be so bad. No, Bella. Death is bad, how could you even think that! What about Charlie and Renee and Jake? How do you think they would act if you died? You have to tough it out for them. _

_" You can't hurt me. I won't give you the satisfaction of hurting me. You don't deserve it." Wow. That was petty._

_"Bella, Bella, Bella. You just don't learn do you?" and then it started. He shoved me against the wall and I heard something crack. I wasn't going to make it. I quickly prepared myself for the worst of it. I didn't know what this jerk had in mind, but I was sure he wasn't going to get me to a hospital anytime soon. I was right. He came closer to me and I knew what he was going to do. I tried to get away, but it was a pretty pathetic attempt. I had to try and save myself. I screamed._

***

"Bella, Bella wake up, it was only a nightmare. You aren't there. He can't hurt you anymore you're safe. It's okay." Oh thank god. It was only a nightmare but I couldn't help crying. That first day was the start of a very long week; a week that ended with me in Edward's arms again. Edward. My Edward. I pretended to fall back asleep so my father would leave and I could be with him. I wonder where he went? He's probably under the bed…

"Bella? Are you okay love? It's okay; I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. It's going to be okay, I'm here." He kept repeating his comforting words over and over. I don't know when he stopped because I blacked out. There was one thing I knew could always get me back to sleep after one of my nightmares and that was Edward's soft musical voice. I don't know why, but it made me feel safer when he was around. Like nobody could touch me ever again.

EDWARDS POV

I heard her scream and I wanted so badly to wake her up, but Charlie was coming and I had to hide.

"Bella, Bella wake up, it was only a nightmare. You aren't there. He can't hurt you anymore. You're safe. It's okay." He was holding the sobbing Bella in his arms.

Bella could be so strong, but it was times like this when we all realized she was still just a girl. Bella was still a young teenage girl who had been through way too much.

He finally left and I took his spot. It killed me to see her this way. She was too fragile when she was like this. I was afraid to say anything. When she was like this, anything you say could be turned into a reference about something that could upset her even more.

"Bella? Are you okay love? It's okay; I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. It's going to be okay, I'm here." I continuously comforted her until I was sure she was asleep. These nightmares were becoming way too common for my liking. It was bad enough that I had already lived the fact that I left her. Never mind that she was hurt in the process. Not only emotionally, but physically. Now, I had to see it in her beautiful brown eyes every time. It was like they were haunting me. "Why Edward? Why?" That was all I could ever see. Even when I wasn't near her, which wasn't very often these days I still saw those questioning eyes. I couldn't leave her. Not especially after I found what she had been doing in her spare time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it took so long, I've been really busy with school lately and I was looking for reviews, but I didn't want to make anybody wait any longer due to the fact that I sorta left on a cliffhanger. Sorry! BTW I will probably wait for a few reviews before I post any more chapters after this! So please R+R! (constructive criticism is also welcomed!) ~Lexi**

EDWARD'S POV

I remember when I first found the scars on Bella's arm. It almost broke my heart. It almost broke my heart because I knew that I could very well have put them there. I wasn't one hundred percent sure, but I wasn't sure. A lot has happened to that poor girl since I left. I felt so bad for her. Nobody should have to endure what she went through. I'm just so glad that we were able to find her. Those stupid wolves almost had her, but of course they needed some assistance due to the fact they were preoccupied with protecting Bella from Victoria. She really was a danger magnet.

Anyway, so I found the scars on her arm and I damn near woke her up and interrogated her right then and there, but I didn't want to upset her. Plus, I wanted to talk to Carlisle first. He was better at this stuff than I was. I was thinking he may be able to give me a few tips on how to address the situation. So while she was sleeping a made a quick run home:

_* FLASHBACK *_

_ "Carlisle?" I asked as I walked inside. I needed to get back to Bella before she woke up. I didn't want to frighten her anymore than she usually already was these days. _

_ "I'm right here son, I thought you were at Bella's?" I wonder what he would want that would separate him from her. I hope everything is alright. That poor girl has been through far too much these days. I'm surprised she hasn't broken down yet... I couldn't stand listening to his thoughts any further, so I blocked them out._

_ "It's about Bella." I knew that would be all I needed to say. His faced turned concerned again._

_ "What is wrong?" _

_ "I found scars on her arm. Scars from a razor. I think Bella is cutting herself-" My voice chocked up on that last phrase. I couldn't picture my Bella doing something like that. It wasn't like her. Carlisle agreed._

_ "I'm honestly not surprised, Edward, though I am sorry you had to find out that way. With all that she's been through, it is natural for her to want to go someplace to let all the emotions take her over. It is actually quite common, not that I think it is healthy for her."_

_ "So what should I do Carlisle?! How can I help her?!" I was shouting at this point. I felt bad, but I couldn't do nothing. I couldn't wait for her to do something worse than what was already happening._

_ "My best advice for you son, is to just talk to her about it. Right now, I wouldn't think twice about the fact that you are probably one of the only people she trusts right now. If she will talk about what happened with anybody, my first guess is that she would rather talk to you."_

_ "You're right. We'll go for a walk tomorrow. Thank you Carlisle."_

_ "Anytime son, Bella is very much on my mind these days. Oh, and please if you don't mind giving me an update every now and then, I believe it would help me keep sane."_

_ "Of course Carlisle. Of course."_

_ "You'd better get going. She'll be awaking soon."_

_ "Yes, father."_

Today was the day that I was going to talk to her. I had already put it off too long. I couldn't wait any longer and risk her hurting herself further.

I got back to Bella's house just as she was waking up.

"Edward?"

"I'm right here love. I'll always be right here."

"I'm sorry about last night, I'm such a spaz."

"No, you are absolutely not a spaz. Don't you ever call yourself that again!"

"I'm sorry, Edward. So, what are we doing today?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go for a little walk, there are a few things I need to address with you, but of course you need to eat first. Why don't you go get dressed while I make pancakes?"

"Pancakes sound good."

Good, that would spare me a few minutes to write up a good spiel.

BELLA'S POV

"Well, I was thinking we could go for a little walk, there are a few things I need to address with you, but of course you need to eat first. Why don't you go get dressed while I make Pancakes?" Oh, crap. What did I say last night? I wonder if he knows about my cutting...God I hope not. I don't need to make anyone else more worried than they already are about me.

"Pancakes sound good." and I got my lazy butt up out of bed, grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. I had to think of what I was going to say to him about my cutting. Oh, who am I kidding! I'm a horrible liar. I just had to tell him the truth and if I was lucky, he wouldn't tell Charlie. He gave me one more strike and then he said I was headed to a psych hospital. I did not want to go there. I don't think Edward would want me to go there either. He wouldn't be able to see me anymore. Yeah, he won't tell Charlie. I hope.


	3. Chapter 3

* Thank you to twilightfreak1994 who gave me my first ever review! You rock! *

EDWARDS POV

Bella was getting dressed upstairs. By now, I had a pretty good idea of what I was going to say to her. I had to be careful not to break her too much though. I just want to let her know that she can trust me and tell me anything. That's all I want. God, would I give anything right now to be able to read that girls mind.

"Hey Edward, how are those pancakes coming? They smell very good." I had a feeling Bella knew what was going on. I think she was trying to butter me up. (No pun intended) I wasn't going to break.

"They're just about done. Perfect timing, and you look beautiful of course."

"Yeah well, that's still nothing compared to you. So, where are we going for our 'walk'?"

" Where would you like to go?"

"Just out back here would be fine, Charlie went fishing for the day so he shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay, just let me go home and change real quick while you eat, and I will be back before you can miss me."

I had to run home quickly not only to change, but because I wanted Carlisle near by. I had no idea how to do this and I would need his support. I didn't want to go too far, but I had to know what was going on.

"Carlisle, we're ready. I'm going to be in the woods behind Bella's house. I need you to tell me if I'm going too far or I need to calm down. I have no idea what has been going on with her, but I need to know. Thank you so much Carlisle. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Any time son. Bella is as much my concern as she is yours. You know she is like a daughter to me. I will do anything I can to help."

"Thank you Carlisle. I owe you."

And with that I was back out the door and on my way back to Bella's house. It was time. I wasn't going to let her keep hurting herself.

"I'm back, I told you I would be back quickly."

"Yeah, but I did miss you. I finished with my pancakes; they were very good. You should go to culinary school after we graduate."

"Only if you go with me. I have to admit, I had never considered becoming a cook. Although, now that I have you, maybe I should…"

"Yeah, but I guess we won't have to worry about me eating much longer. Soon enough, I'll be just like you."

"Please, don't remind me." I tried to change the subject, fast. "Are you ready, love?"

"Of course, let's go"

BELLA"S POV

Here we go. What is probably going to be the worst ten minutes in my life. Well, not the worst, but defiantly down there. I wanted to make this as quickly as possible, telling him the least amount possible. I don't want him to worry about me, so I have to tell him something, but I really don't want to dwell on the subject. I would much rather be –

"Bella, a few nights ago while you were sleeping, I noticed something that made me worry. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but you need to tell me what is going on. You know I love you and you can tell me anything. Please, just help me to understand."

"I don't know what you are talking about Edward, I am fine." OMG Bella! What happened to being honest! You really know how to stick to a plan. NOT.

"Bella, I saw scars on your arm. Scars that I think came from a razor or a knife. I couldn't identify which. I think- I know, that you are cutting yourself and I want to know why. I want to be able to understand what is going on in your mind. Please Bella, just help me understand!"

"You wouldn't get it, Edward. You wouldn't understand. You weren't here and I got hurt. This is my way of dealing with that. If you don't like what I'm doing, too bad. I need this Edward. I have become addicted to cutting. I am sorry if you can't see that I need to be able to cut. I need it." Bella, Bella, Bella. What have you done! You shouldn't have said that. You really shouldn't have said that!

"Bella. I understand that you may feel that you need this, but you don't. Every time you cut yourself, it just hurts you even more. I understand that you need to deal with it someway, but this isn't it. You need to stop. You can't see the change in you but I can. You are just making yourself sicker and sicker and if you don't stop, I'll have to tell Charlie. I can help you, but you need to let me, and you need to cooperate with me, and occasionally Carlisle. He is going to need to check on you. You are sick Bella. I'm sorry I couldn't see that sooner." If I thought what I said was wrong, then this was off the wall! He had no right to invade me like that. He wouldn't know what I'm going through, he wasn't here! He left me I didn't leave him.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Edward, but you may think that this cutting is what changed me, but I don't think that you have the right story. If I remember correctly, YOU LEFT ME! I know that you have made it your goal to get me to trust you again, but this is not the way. Have you ever thought that maybe you are the one that changed me? I hate to break it to you Edward, but John did NOT cause ALL of these scars. He might have caused 99 percent of them, but there is still that 1 percent of scars that came from you. I love you Edward, but you can't just go up to people and tell them that they have issues! It is wrong and I don't appreciate your help. Now, if you don't mind, I am going home. I suggest you do the same. Goodbye Edward."

EDWARDS POV

"Goodbye Edward."

_It's okay son, why don't you come home so we can talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just going to take her some time to get through the denial she's feeling. She'll come around. Come on._

I was so grateful I could count on Carlisle. At the moment, I thought that I was too hard on her, but maybe he was right. I had seen the things that drugs like Coke and E had done to people. Maybe this was the same thing. The denial will kill her. I wouldn't doubt that she is at home creating a new scar just for me. And it is my entire fault. Congrats Edward. Good job.

* I will not update again until I have at least 5 reviews. At this point I am desperate. I don't care if you want to write, "This story sucks" on there. At least I will have some input. Thank you. ~ Lexi *


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Keep on reviewing. It is the little green button at the bottom and as always anything from "This story sucks" to "Amazing!" is welcomed! Also, thanks to my Beta Mitxi for dealing with my crazy emails! ~Lexi**

BELLA'S POV

Who the _hell_ does he think he is!

There is _no_ way in hell I will let _anyone_ speak to me that way, let alone Edward Cullen.

He was the one, after all, who left me here to suffer on my own and die. Alone.

_He_ was the one that left me here to face hell alone without anyone. For all I care right now, he can leave again.

I may have thought that I could give him a second chance, that he deserved it, and try to be happy again together, but no.

Maybe he does hate me. Maybe he wants _me_ to hate him, if that was his plan, then he was succeeding.

I will never let anyone speak to me the way he had, but I had to see both sides of the argument.

I was kind of harsh, I had to admit it, maybe it will be better if I just apologized…

_NO!_ _He left you Bella. _I reminded myself.

_Look at yourself, they did that to you. _

_Edward and John. _

_John, the sick bastard who_ _thinks he could just use you like his freaking pet. _

_Edward the man you once loved, twice loved, and still love. The man who left you and basically handed you over to John._

_Maybe they just teamed up to make you miserable. Hmm…_

I finally made my way back to my house.

I really needed to learn to keep track of how far out I go into the woods. Counting this time, this was the second time I got lost in the woods.

Well, being truthful, the first time I was out in the woods, I almost got lost. The other time I did get lost. Very lost.

Anyway, I stepped inside and slammed the door.

"Bells? That you?" I jumped at the sound of the voice who called back.

Oh **! I had no clue that Charlie was home.

He couldn't know about what I'm doing. It is bad enough that Edward (and I'm assuming  
the rest of the Cullens) know; I can't have him knowing too!

They'll send me to the asylum for sure.

"Uh, yeah dad. Sorry,'' I started. ''I didn't know you were coming home so early. I just  
went for a walk with Edward, but Carlisle called him and said that he had to  
go home right away."

Ugg, there was no way he was going to believe that. After all, my lying skill (or lack of them) proved it. I was the worst lier in history.

Even if he did it would start up an argument.

The last time I went for a walk with Edward, in fact, was when…

"Oh, well I hope everything's okay,'' Charlie interrupted my thoughts. ''You look tired Bells, do you want to just order a pizza for tonight, I can go pick it up if you want."

Wow. He believed me and I didn't start an argument. I hope everything's okay with him, maybe he got hit in the head or something.....

"Yeah dad, good call. I'm exhausted. I'm going to run upstairs and take a bath okay" I told him.

I had the need to bleed. Now.

"Sure Bells, I guess I'll just order the pizza then," he sounded annoyed, but I really didn't care. He could get off his lazy butt and help me out for once.

"Thanks dad. See you in a while."

With that I ran upstairs, without tripping I might add.

EDWARD'S POV

How could I be so aggravatingly stupid?!

I was far too ** her. Carlisle may say otherwise, but I know Bella. It's just so hard to keep my cool when she gets all stubborn and defensive like that! 

When I finally finished my long drive home (I went according to the speed limit, I was too  
aggravated with myself to be going too fast) and I walked inside.

I figured Carlisle would already be back and in his office waiting for me, but I  
wasn't ready for him. Not yet.

I need time to just feel the guilt before I had anyone tell me that it wasn't my fault. It was, and I needed to deal with that, without anyone telling me otherwise. 

"Hey man, you okay?" Crap. I had no clue Jasper was home.

I knew Carlisle would give me the space I needed because he was there, and saw first hand what  
had been said and done, but Jasper didn't and had no clue about anything.

I had to tell him something. 

"I would lie and tell you that I'm okay, but that would be pointless, so  
I am just going to tell you that Bella and I got into a fight, I need to find  
a way to do something about it,'' I told him, deciding being truthful.

"Well. Em and I are going hunting this weekend. That should take your mind  
off of the girly teenage drama," Jasper shrugged, as if that will change anything right now. 

"Thank you for the offer Jasper and I will consider it but I don't know  
right now," I sighed, not even realizing I did, until I heard it. 

"All right man, but you better hurry up with your answer. You know how Emmett gets when we have to keep him waiting…" 

"I'll give you an answer by tonight. Again, thank you for your consideration Jasper. I appreciate it,'' I told him. 

"Any time man." 

Finally he walked off. I was probably going to go with them. After all this drama with Bella I needed some man time. No girls involved. 

"Edward, I understand you may be wanting to put me off, but we need to talk. You can guilt over it later." Carlisle, Carlisle.

He was right. Hell, he usually is.

I needed to get this over with. I knew what he was planning on saying ; he practically scripted it out.

Anyway, it was always better for me to hear it come out of their mouth rather than their mind. It made me feel like less of an intruder that way.

''I'm coming father.'' 

BELLA'S POV 

Okay, so if Charlie thought that I was taking a bath, then I have about a  
half hour to do this.

I grabbed the razor I used for cutting myself from my underwear drawer, and started up the water for my "bath".

Really, I just used the water to help drain the blood that came from my body, but yeah. As  
far as Charlie was concerned, I wasn't loosing my sanity, and I was taking a  
bath.

An innocent bath to clean myself up after a walk through the woods with my "boyfriend." If only he had any idea what I was really up to.

Actually, it's better he doesn't.

I lifted up my shirt and picked a spot in between my right hip and my belly button.

I grabbed the razor took a deep breath and…the phone rang. Dammit! Who would be calling! I threw my shirt back on and started to curse under my breath.

"I got it dad!" I screamed.

"I thought you were taking a bath!" he yelled back at me. 

"I haven't gotten in yet!" I thought I heard him mumble something bout pizzas and responsibility but I ignored it.

''Hello?'' I answered the phone. 

''Hey Bella!'' a cheerful voice answered back. 

''Jake? Wow, you are actually talking to me again?'' I asked. 

"Yeah, I figured that I was being a petty jerk and wanted to start over again. So, wanna come down tomorrow? We're having a campfire and I promise you that there will be s'mores this time."

'' Wow Jake, thanks. That means a lot to me." I thought about how I was going to reply to his request. I knew Edward didn't want me hanging out with Werewolves, but does that apply anymore?

''So are you going to come? But if you are still mad at me I'll totally understand,'' he spoke.

''No, Jake, I'm not mad-'' he interrupted me. 

"That bloodsucker isn't allowing you to come is he? I should have guessed." 

"Jacob Black, let me finish,'' I interrupted him. '' What I was going to say is that I'm not mad  
at you, and I would love to hang out with you tomorrow night. I will find a  
way." 

"Yeah well, if takes apart your truck or something let me know. I'll come  
get you," he said in a way that could make me picture him putting a smirk on  
his face. 

"Thanks Jake, I'll call you if I need anything." 

"Yeah, _anything_," he put emphasis on the last word and I bet you that on  
any other day that would have bothered me, but today it just made me smile. 

"Bye Jake, see you tomorrow."

I would see him even if I had to find a match to get there. Like he said "Call if you need anything."

Would a vampire exterminator count? Wow, that was kind of harsh. You're starting to become  
very petty Bella. Knock it off. 

"See yah Bells." 

Finally I got him off the phone and went to finish what I had started.


	5. Chapter 5

BELLA'S POV

**As always, many thanks to reviewers, and my beta Mitxi. You guys rock! I know this took a while to post, I am in a musical and we are performing next week so I probably won't have another chapter up. But, if there are a lot of reviews, I could make some time :) ****~ Lexi**

BELLA'S POV

Again, I grabbed the razor and dragged the blade against my chosen spot (between the right hip and my belly button). I could feel the blood ooze out from my body as the razor went farther and farther down my hip. It hurt so good.

The pain was almost unbearable. Almost. The blood was easily the best part, though. That, and the fact that I could just focus on the physical pain and forget everything and everyone else. Nothing mattered right now.

Not even Edward, who left me and then forced me out of my chosen lifestyle. Not even John, who took one thing away from me I will never get back. Not even Jacob who hardly even speaks to me. Nothing.

"Bells! The pizza's here!" Charlie hollered at me.

Ugh, I had the urge to tell him to wait a few more minutes, but I couldn't risk him coming up here and seeing all this blood. I had to clean myself up.

"I'll be down in a minute dad, lemme get dressed first!" I hollered back. That would give me some time. And, I wasn't even lying!

I washed my bloody body off and went to my room. Smartly, I had bought my own first aid kit and I hid it in my desk.

I grabbed the alcohol wipe and quickly moved it across my waist. Tomorrow, there would be a brand new scar there screaming at me, but did it really matter? This was the biggest one I had so far, of course. And, it belonged to Edward.

Thank you for the pain you inflict on me love. Thank you.

I put on a gauze pad and I bandaged myself up. Carlisle would very be proud of me. Not for cutting myself in the first place, but on how well I could clean up afterwards. I had developed very good first aid skills in the past six months. I was very proud of myself.

"Bells? Are you okay up there? Your pizza is getting cold!"

"I'm on my way down dad. Geez, I'm a girl, I'm supposed to take time getting ready."

"Yeah well, you may be a girl, but you don't usually care about what you're wearing."

I ignored his last remark and grabbed a slice of cheese pizza. My favorite type.

"Whatever dad," I told him when I was standing in front of him.

From then on we ate in silence. Finally!

There was a game on tonight, so I should be able to spend some time washing my pants. I got some blood on them. I really have to be more careful of not dazing out when I cut. But, then again, that is what it's all about. Right?

EDWARD'S POV

"Hello Carlisle, may I come in?"

I wasn't too nervous about this particular confrontation. Surprisingly, I was more eager than anything else. I wanted my Bella back. I wanted her to get better.

Carlisle was the best person to go to for that. Even if meant that I had to come to certain realizations first.

She was right. I _did _leave her like this. I _did _leave her completely unprotected while every single day for months she was raped and beaten like a piñata. He treated her like a toy, and I wasn't there to protect her. She had to be put in the hands of _dogs_.

I realized how unbelievingly stupid I was for leaving her to them. I was so scared for her; I'm surprised that they even called me. Well, Alice really. Apparently Bella didn't have her phone on her and they found her number in the contact list. It isn't in their nature to trust us. They must have really cared about her.

"Of course son," I walked in at a human pace. I did that a lot lately. "Take a seat" I did as I was told.

I didn't even bother reading his mind. I didn't want to hear it twice. I had a feeling that he was going to say everything out loud anyway. I wasn't the only one who needed to hear this.

CARLISLE'S POV

I had no clue what I was going to say to my heartbroken son. He already knew the basics I'm sure of it. I had replayed it multiple times in my head.

I don't think anything could comfort him now. All he wants is Bella healthy again. I don't blame him; it's what we all want. That was why I was going to say everything out loud anyway.

He wasn't the only one who needed to hear whatever I was going to say. I needed to let my training take over. How many times had I dealt with families going through the same thing? Too many. It was different though. It is surprising on how much harder it is to get the words out when they apply as much to you as to everyone else.

"Hello Carlisle, may I come in?" here we go Carlisle, you can do it. Wow, what has my life come to when I need to give myself a pep talk to comfort my broken family?

"Of course son," I called back towards the direction of the door, where I knew he was standing. I _was _a vampire after all.

I let him come in; he was going at his human pace. I felt so bad for him.

"Take a seat," I needed to just stay professional throughout this. It was the only way I wouldn't break.

I knew I would make Esme cry downstairs, they were all listening. Poor Esme, poor Alice. Even Rose was upset. She wants more than anything to get a chance to apologize to Bella, but Edward won't let her. I agree. It isn't what Bella needs right now.

"So Carlisle, why don' we just get this over with," he practically growled at me. Poor Edward, he was hurting so much right at this moment.

"Edward, what happened out there was absolutely _not_ your fault. If you don't listen to anything else I say, you must believe that. Please, Edward," I spoke softly, not wanting to be bring any more pain than what he already was going through.

It was the truth, he had to believe it. Bella had made her choice, we had to help her with what she had chosen. Edward had nothing to do with that, and he couldn't do anything about it either.

"But Carlisle, I left her. She is probably hurting herself right now because of what happened. You saw it, how could it _not_ be my fault?" I nodded, but not about it being his fault.

"Edward, you listen, and you listen good, I am going to tell you what I tell the parents that come to me after they find out their child cuts themselves. Bella has to deal with the things that happen in her life. There are many ways to do that. About half of them are perfectly healthy, but that leaves the other half that aren't. It is up to Bella how she deals with what she has been through. She was raped, Edward!'' I reminded him, before continuing.

''Your lucky she even trusted you when you found her in that house. You could of hoped and prayed that she would choose the right ways to deal with that fact, but she didn't. You had no input on that. You had to approach her about the situation, she trusted you. She was only going to listen to you. In that field, you could see it in her eyes that she considered if what she was doing was the right thing or not. You have to hit rock bottom before you can recover and realize that what you are doing is wrong it's just one of the many roads to recovery,'' I smiled sadly, but kept speaking.

''Out there, you could have hurt her for now, but you may have saved her future. You are at no fault here. You did the right thing. If it were me in your spot, I would've gone to Charlie. You care about her so much, you are going to give her the chance to recover on her own, but I insist that if she doesn't get better soon, you need to go to Charlie so she can get more help," Wow. That was deep Carlisle. Very deep. Good job, I complimented myself mentally.

"Thank you Carlisle, I can honestly say I was not expecting that, but I appreciate it. Don't worry, I care about Bella very much and will be going to Charlie soon."

I was so proud, he was taking this very well. Better than some others who were practically in tears downstairs. I felt bad, but right now it was Edward who mattered. I lost him once, I wasn't going to loose him again.

"Anytime son, I am very proud of you."

It was very true that if I could, I would have tears in my eyes.

"I feel the same way Carlisle," he nodded.

"You are strong Edward, she needs that now more than ever. You just need to be patient. She'll be back," I said that with confidence.

This was Bella we were talking about. We all loved her, and I would do everything in my power to make her better again.

"I agree, and I will stand by you. I really hope you're right," he bit his lip, a habit that he had gotten by Bella.

"So do I son, so do I."


	6. Chapter 6

* Thank you for all your wonderful ideas! The performances for the musical are tomorrow and friday night so after that chapters should be coming pretty fast. Thank you to both **georgina cullen **and ** I.S Teigen** for their idea of letting Jacob in on the big secret (hint, hint). There were other good ideas from other readers (twilightfreak1994) and I mentioned you just because you reviewed! Yay! They were all so good I might try to work them all into the story at somepoint. Furthermore, if there are ny other ideas people wnt to see in the story, review or PM me and if I think that they will work, I will add them into the story. Thank you all!*

BELLA'S POV

_I had to try to get away. I knew I was too weak, but I had to get away. _

_ I got off the bed, and tip toed to the door very quietly, as quietly as I possibly could manage. I was pretty sure it was locked. If not, there was no way I could open the bookshelf. Even if by some miracle I could, I didn't know if John was in the house or not. I knew that he left during the day to go to work, but maybe he slept in. _

_ Either way, I had to be quiet. If he heard me, I would have a huge problem. _

_I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard someone yelling. _

_ "Oh crap, he heard me!" I thought to myself. But just when I was about to hurry back I heard the voice and it was clearer. _

"_Where is she!" That wasn't John's voice. I would know that soft velvet voice anywhere. I was safe. For now. _

_ "I said, where is she!" John still hadn't spoken. I don't understand it! Why not just let me go! Was I really of that importance to loose your life over! He had no chance against a vampire. Never mind a raging vampire who's name happened to be Edward. _

_ "I will give you five seconds to tell me where she is, or I will kill you, and then search your house to find her. Five." _

_ "You'll never find her!" _

_ He speaks! He's going to die! I halfheartedly ran out, but I wasn't sure how many raging vampires were out there, and I still had a lot of cuts on me from last night... _

_ "Four." He wasn't yelling now, he was more calm. He was using his "I'm serious, don't mess with me because I'm a vampire" voice. Nice choice. _

_ "Three." _

_ James shut up again! No! You idiot, tell him where I am! I really hope he has a good sense of smell... _

_ "Two," I could feel him getting ready for the kill. Edward wasn't going to take any chances this time. I would yell for him once I knew John was dead. _

_ Wait a minute Bella, didn't Edward leave you? He said that he didn't want you anymore. Why is he here saving your life? _

_ I guess you start to trust people more when your life is in their hands. I never knew that I was capable of trusting him again. Not after what he did to me, but now, well, we had to have serious discussion about keeping promises. Not that I kept my promise any better... _

_ "One-" _

_ "Wait! She's in the basement. There is a bookshelf. If you move it, there is a long hallway. She is in the first room on the right. Please, don't kill me!" Yes! I got much enjoyment out of hearing John plead and beg like a little girl. Served him right. _

_ I could hear another pair of footsteps take over with John, and I heard someone come downstairs. Wait, two people. Probably Edward and... _

_ "Bella!" _

_ "Edward?" I tried to sound clueless. I didn't think it worked, but then again what do I know. _

_ "Bella, love? Are you hurt? It's okay I'm here. Shh.." I started to cry. He did care about me. He came for me when no one would, not even Jacob. _

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Ugh, damn alarm clock. I forgot how annoying that thing was.

Oh my god! I slept through the night! Not one nightmare! Yes! Score one for Bella!

I quickly picked out a nice t-shirt and jeans, because for once I was in a good mood. I went downstairs and made myself some breakfast. I didn't feel like making anything spectacular for breakfast, so I just poured myself a bowl of cereal. I grabbed the keys to my truck, and my backpack and I headed of to another day at school.

I got there and looked around to find Edward. He would be avoiding me, but I needed to apologize to him. He saved my life, and I owed him for that. Even if he _did_ make my life hell.

I noticed his Volvo pull up to the parking space a few spots down. A jeep pulled in next to him.

"Edward!" I yelled, he turned around at the sound of my voice.

"Bella? I'm so sorry for the way I treated you yesterday. I never meant to hurt you like that. Are you okay?" and by the are you okay, I knew he meant, did you cut?

"Yes Edward, I did go home and throw a fit, but I am fine now and I owe you an apology as well. Yesterday, I was extremely petty and I apologize for that. I really hope you can forgive me. I love you very much and I don't want to loose you again. Also, since I don't want you worrying about me all night when my future disappears, I am going to a bonfire down at La Push with Jacob tonight."

"No you're not Bella. They're dangerous," he quickly disagreed.

"I give you permission to drive me to the line, and I will keep a cell phone on me at all times. There is no reason for you to be worried. If you want, for this first time, you can even text me hourly to make sure I am okay."

"As much as I don't want to let you stay with those hostile creatures, I can't say no after what you are giving up regarding your freedom with them. I appreciate what you're doing and the fact that you're finally realizing how much I worry about you," he compromised.

"Thank you Edward, I love you."

"I love you too."

The rest of the day was bearable. I had Edward back, and I was allowed to go see Jacob tonight. I didn't relish the idea of having to be "checked on" via text message, but it was worth it if I could be with Jacob again. I really missed him. Now, I just had to keep my cutting away from him.

I went home and changed into a long sleeved shirt. I didn't want him to see any scars. I was surprised that Edward didn't ask about it when he picked me up, but then again, these days, Edward doesn't ask about a lot of things that he is afraid might break me.

He dropped me off at the line, and Jacob ran up and hugged me.

"Bells! It is so good to see you! It has been too long," he told me happily.

"Yeah Jake, it has. And, thanks for all you have done. It means a lot to me. I know you're just trying to make up for the fact that you couldn't keep me safe, but still, it's the thought that counts."

"Thanks Bells. Come on, lets head over to the pit."

"Can't wait," I responded.

"Hey, also, it gets pretty hot, so you might want to take off your shirt and out one of mine on. It will still be big, but you can do that thing with the hair tie. I'm sure Leah has some old ones that you ca borrow."

"I'm good, I don't really get hot.'

"You'll see."

_An Hour Later _

I now knew what Jacob meant by hot.

There was a blazing fire in front of me, two 108 degree werewolves beside me, and the only thing keeping me sane was the coolness of the ocean behind me. But even that wasn't enough. I could hardly take it anymore. I tried to focus in on what Billy was saying about the legends, but all I could hear was Jake beside me.

"Bells, are you okay? You look very pale, maybe we should go cool you down...."

That was all I could hear, and then I blacked out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Here you guys go! I was pretty low on reviews for the last chapter :( Let's try to fix that! I am sorry that the past few chapters have been short, I haven't had a lot of time to write. Do you prefer short, frequent chapters or long distant chapters? Let me know! ** ~ Lexi

JACOB'S POV

My dad was saying the legends that we had all heard a million times before. Embry was on one side of me and Bella was on the other. I really miss her being around here as she just to be. I should have known that it was too good to last, but we really had a lot of fun together.

Then she had to go and bring all those bloodsuckers back here, and I'm lucky if I can even get a "Hey Jake!" out of her. It is unbelievable.

Speaking of Bella, she hasn't said much tonight. I hope she's feeling okay. I turn to her just to check on her and she is sweating like a dog (no pun intended). She looks wicked pale too.

"Bells, are you okay? You look really pale, maybe we should go cool you off..."

I couldn't even finish my sentence and she was unconscious in my arms. I picked her up and ran back to my place. I really hope I didn't make a scene. I think that Embry and Sam were behind me on their way to help out. Embry because he's my friend, and Sam because he has a duty. Blah.

Once I got to my place I didn't hesitate to rip her shirt off. I had a feeling she was dehydrated or something, so when Embry got in I yelled at him to get some water. Once I got her shirt off, I immediately wished I didn't.

Covering her body were little scars, big scars, and medium scars. _They're dead._ I thought to myself. Bella wouldn't have done this to herself would she? No, she couldn't have, she's Bella for crying out loud!

I picked up her phone and dialed the bloodsucker's cell while Embry and Sam were trying to revive Bella. Sam got one of Emily's tank tops for her, that was why he took longer.

It only took one ring for him answer.

"Bella? Are you okay?" there was true panic sound in his voice.

"Bella's a bit tied up at the moment, but I need you to listen before you go blaming anybody, kay?" I asked, not needing any problems at the moment.

"I swear on my dead mother's grave that if you hurt her Jacob Black, I will make it so you will only run on three legs instead of four." Was that threat? I could've done better than that. I heard a car revving in the background of his phone.

"Look, Cullen, she passed out because it was too hot for her and she was wearing a long sleeved shirt. We replaced that with tank-top and in the process noticed scars covering every inch of her body. Care to explain leech?"

The car slowed down.

"Oh, that. Well, Bella had some difficulty with coming to terms with what happened in the course of the last six months, so she found out a way for her to give into her emotions. She cuts herself. We are trying to figure out way to help her, but she is becomes extremely difficult and defensive whenever the subject matter comes up," he explained slowly.

"Okay, well maybe you should come get her then, I'm probably just going to get mad and that wouldn't be good for her," I suggested seriously.

"No it wouldn't. If you could just bring her to the line, I'll bring her to Carlisle to get checked up on. I want to make sure it wasn't a heat stroke. Is she conscious yet?"

"Umm..." I turned around to check on her and she wasn't up yet "not really, no."

"Okay. Thank you Jacob. I'll see you in a few minutes. I'm sorry you had to hear this from me and not her."

"Yeah, real sorry."

Embry helped me get Bella into the car and we drove to the treaty line. Of course her bloodsucker boyfriend was already there. He ran up to me and took her out of my arms.

"Thank you again Jacob. I can call you for an update if you wish, or I can have Bella call you, whatever you prefer."

"Sure, have Bella call me. I want to talk to her about...well you know."  
"Yes I do, just don't be too harsh on her, this is touchy subject for her. Oh, and Charlie doesn't know and she would like it to stay that way. I figure, we give her three weeks maximum for her to try and stop, and if she is still cutting, we'll tell him then. It is what's in her best interest Jacob, not mine. I would've told Charlie at the beginning if I didn't think it would just make things worse."

"Yeah. Thanks leech."

"Anytime mutt."

I just turned around and phased. I didn't want to deal with anyone for a while. I was going of on another "adventure" and this time, I honestly didn't know if I was coming back. Bella was sick, I couldn't tell Charlie, even if she was healthy she couldn't even tell me she was having issues. I might as well be a ghost. What was the point in that?


	8. Chapter 8

*Hey everyone, I was told that I totally messed up this chapter by repeating some of the parts over, so I tried to fix that. I wasn't aware that I didn't completly fix that so I was reading it over again, wondering why I still had gotten no reviews, and I noticed that I still had a few repeats in there. I tried my hardest again to fix them, and I think I got all of them. I apologize for this and I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again. So thank you to Twi - girl 56 who brought the error to my attention. I want to give you guys the best story possible, but I can't do that if I don't get reviews telling me I screwed up. Thank you for everyone who has reviewed, I am very greatful to you. I have some very good ideas for a new chapter, but I need reviews first. Thank you all who have stayed with me, and if you want a new chapter, you need to tell me. If you don't feel like saying "great job" or "worst story ever" just simply say "I want a new chapter" or "stop trying" I need to know that you all are still interested in what I am writing, or I'm not going to waste my time writing anymore. Thank you ~ Lexi*

BELLA'S POV

I was first aware of the cold fingers on my wrist and the cold hand on my forehead. Next came the sharp pain and numbness feeling in my arm.

_Great,_ I thought to myself, _It must be an IV. I probably passed out of heatstroke at the campfire. Oh shit! Jacob! _

That's when I woke up, I had to find out what happened with him. He must have been horrified!

I opened my eyes to a white room. There were people standing around me. This couldn't be La Push, Jake must've called Edward or Carlisle to come pick me up after I totally passed out.

"Bella, love? How are you feeling?" there was a sense of relief in his voice. I assumed after he had spoken, that I had been out for quite a while, but I decided to ask anyway.

"How long have I been passed out, and where's Jake?" I had to add that last part, I knew I shouldn't be worried but I didn't really have a choice. He didn't exactly relish the thought of having to give me up to the Cullens.

"Jacob is fine Bella, it is you we are worried about. You had a heat stroke. We have been trying to revive you for the past hour. How are you feeling?" Carlisle joined into the conversation.

A heatstroke. Wow. I didn't think that was possible in Forks, but I guess the impossible has become possible. Who knew vampires and werewolves were real either? I really have got to stop assuming things . Really!

"I'm fine, I guess. I'm still really hot though...what happened to Jake?" I was trying hard not to be too pushy, but I noticed that I was in one of his t – shirts so I guess the real question was, does he know about the cutting?

"Bella love, he was afraid of the same thing I was, that you had heatstroke, so he changed you into one of his tees, but in the process he noticed some of your scars and-"

"He found out," I finished for him.

"Simply put, yes. He asked us to have you call him once you were ready, but you need to rest right now. Would you like anything to drink?" he asked trying to change the subject back to me. I don't think he was worried about Jake, but I was. I knew that this would be hard on him.

I never realized the impact this would have on the people who _do _care about me. I never thought about how hurting myself would hurt the people I love.

Every single cut I made was a cut in my relationship with another. I was truly sorry. I thought that everyone hated me, that I was unloved, but I was dead wrong.

Now look at me. I have scars covering every inch of my body, Jacob probably isn't going to talk to me anymore, and Edward, oh Edward. He _had _always been there for me. Always. He didn't have a part in what John did to me. I never realized that and now I am just pushing him farther and farther away from me. Him, and Alice, and Carlisle, and Esme and everyone else I loved deeply.

Who have I become? I'm not Bella anymore, I'm some slutty bitch like the kinds you see on TV. The ones that don't care about others, except themselves. I need to stop. Now. _Before _I hurt anyone else.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

Oh shit! I totally forgot that Edward asked me a question. I don't care though. I need to have a family meeting. Soon. But first, I need to call Jacob. I really messed up my life and now I need to fix it. Fast.

"I'm fine Edward, just thinking to myself. That's all."

"Might I ask what you are thinking about, or is it personal?" he asked calmly, but I could see the curiosity in his eyes.

"I was thinking about how much I love you, and how much cutting has screwed up my life. I was also thinking about how much I need to get back on track with my life, and go back to being Bella," I admitted.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that," he smiled that crooked smile that I loved, and then our mouths drew closer until we kissed.

It had been a few seconds when Carlisle came back and cleared his throat signaling us to stop.

"Yes Carlisle?" I tried not to sound snobby, but I don't know how well that worked because Edward just chuckled beside me.

"Bella, you have a phone call from Jacob. Remember, you don't have to say anything you don't want to. Your business is simply your business. That goes for anyone in your life as well."

"Thanks Carlisle, that means a lot to me," I smiled at him.

"Anytime, Bella. We all care about you very much." He turned to face his son, "Edward? Why don't you give Bella some space for a few minutes?"

"Of course father. Bella," he gave me one last quick peck on the cheek before handing me the phone and said something along the lines of "good luck" before exiting the bedroom.

"Hello?" I wasn't totally scared, but I wasn't preparing for the most exciting phone call of my life either.

"Bella?" he asked. I registered what the topic was going to be, and became very bitchy all of a sudden.

"Who else? Miley Cyrus?"

Wow, that was petty Bella. Even for you on your worst days.

"Bells, we need to talk. Now." in his eyes.

*As always many thanks to Mitxi (my beta) who continuously puts up with my hyper crazyness. You guys should totally check out her stories, they are really good. They are in my favorites column and I know the one I have is called "Could I Forgive You?" and I know there are others, but that is the only I can rememebr off the top of my head. *


	9. Chapter 9

_* I just have to take a minute to not only thank my wonderful reviewers, but my beta Mitxi. She has to deal with my crazy habit of forgetting to actually attach the chapters to my emails, and then not being able to open them. She is a saint to me and I am really glad to have er as a beta. I probably won't update next week because I am going on a cruise, so I hope you like this chapter and I tried not to leave it on a cliff – hanger. Also, there is a poll on my page asking if you would like Charlie to find out about Bella's cutting or not. Please vote because that decides where I need to take the story! ~ Lexi!*_

_Previously: _

_"Hello?" I wasn't totally scared, but I wasn't preparing for the most exciting phone call of my life either. _

_"Bella?" he asked. I registered what the topic was going to be, and became very bitchy all of a sudden. _

_"Who else? Miley Cyrus?" Wow, that was petty Bella. Even for you on your worst days. _

_"Bells, we need to talk. Now." in his eyes. _

BELLA POV

"Okay, then lets talk." Jacob wasn't going to go easy on me, I could tell from the way he was talking. He sounded upset, but angry all at the same time. I really hoped he wasn't going to go too hard on me, but after all this was Jake we were talking about. He wasn't known very well for going easy on people.

"Why? How could you do this to yourself Bella? How could you do that to Charlie? To me?" wait, did he just say Charlie?

"YOU TOLD CHARLIE?!" I was freaking out. No, that would be an understatement. I was shaking with fury. How could he do that to me?

"No, but I wanted too. You shouldn't hide something like this from him. You know Charlie, when he finds out, he's gonna flip out."

"Well, Charlie isn't going to find out, so that isn't going to be a problem, right Jake?"

"Bella, this isn't something that's going to go away on its own overnight. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we wish it was that way, but it isn't. You still need to get better. You should tell Charlie. He can help you."

"Jacob you don't understand! Things were bad enough between us when Edward left, and I went into zombie Bella. He was going to ship me off to Jacksonville to live with my mother! What the hell do you think he's gonna do if he finds out I have been cutting ever since Edward had to save me from John? I think I speak for all of us when I say that nobody wants me to leave and go to Jacksonville. I don't think you want that to happen either. You tell Charlie, and that is most likely what will happen, so please, don't tell him anything," I was begging the kid. I didn't want to leave Forks. I knew I had friends here who could help me. I had Carlisle and Edward. I had Jake, or at least I think I have Jake. I can't leave, it'll just make everything worse.

"Fine. I won't tell Charlie, but that doesn't mean that I think I am doing what is best for you. You need help Bella. You need to get over what happened. You need to stop hurting yourself just because you think that nobody cares about you. Please, if you can't do it for anyone else, do it for me. I love you Bella. Please, stop hurting yourself," Jacob begged.

"I'm going to try Jacob, but like you said. This isn't something that is going to go away overnight. I am past step one, which is realizing that I need help, but I can't push myself too hard. You have to remember, what happened with John, he took something away from me, that he can't return. And not just because he's dead. He took away my self confidence, and self security, but those will come back with time. Above all else though Jake, he took away my virginity without my permission. That isn't alright with me. Nobody had the right to do that, and I don't know how I can ever get that out of my mind. That was what we have been taught in sex ed. Everything I learned is being turned upside down, and I need to get over a very steep mountain. I love you Jake, and thank you for not telling Charlie and attempting to understand what I'm going through. You have helped me so much more than I deserve and I am so grateful to you. Thank you."

"Bella, you are absolutely right, and I will be there for you if you need me. I will never give up on you and I will always be there right next to you. You deserve the best and nothing less. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to upset you. Look, Bella, I need to go, Embry is bugging me saying that Sam wants to have a meeting."

"That's fine Jake go ahead, I'll talk to you later."

"See you later, Bella, hope you feel better."

"Me too, Jake, me too."

"Bye"

"Bye"

* Again, thank you, and review, and vote! *


	10. Chapter 10

*Hey everyone! I know it has been a REALLY long time since I last updated, but I tried to get this uploaded ASAP once I got home. This is an AMAZING chapter and probably one of my favorites. Enjoy! ~ Lexi *

BELLA'S POV It was a new day. I woke up feeling like a totally different person.

I wasn't some crazy suicidal Bella anymore. The old me was new and improved. I finally felt good about myself and it felt good, I won't deny it.

Edward had promised that he would to pick me up in about fifteen minutes and we were going to school together. It felt so good to have him back, and my old self back as well.

It felt, almost like nothing happened. Talking to Jacob, I had vowed, not only to myself, but also to everyone else I loved, that I was going to become the old Bella again. I was up against the biggest opponent I had ever faced. I was up against my own mind, and I was going to win.

I went downstairs to make myself breakfast, finding that Charlie had already left for work. I made myself a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. I willingly ate for the first time in months, and I felt satisfied for the first time in a long time as well. I heard a few quick raps on the door notifying that Edward, my personal god, had arrived.

"You know you don't have to knock," I said to him while opening the front door to let him in.

"I know, but it makes me feel less intrusive." He said in his smirky tone. I loved that tone sometimes, now was most definitely one of those times. It made me happy knowing for once he wasn't worried about me. That he _knew_ I was okay.

"Take a seat, I'm going to be in a few more minutes," then, a realization hit me "You're early."

"I can leave and come back in a few more minutes if you want me to be precise? I thought you'd enjoy having me here early." Erg, I didn't see that coming.

"No! Don't leave, I am happy that you're early." I was, I just wasn't expecting him.

"Okay good, because I'm not leaving anyway. Gas costs too much these days to waste it."

"Like you should be worried about gas money, you are practically rich!"

"I am rich, but that doesn't mean that I want to waste that money on gas, especially if it is wasted gas. Plus, pumping the gas wastes time and takes up time that I could be spending with you. See where I'm coming from?"

"Yes, I do smarty pants. You ready to go?"

"I've been ready for the past five minutes."

"Okay then, let's go."

I couldn't believe I was actually excited to go to school. It was probably the first time I had ever been excited to go to school in my entire life!

Maybe it was because I wasn't a suicidal zombie? I don't know. All I knew was that I was in a car, alone, with Edward, and I was happy.

We pulled into the school parking lot and I immediately saw Lauren coming at me.

Oh god, what does she want? She looked really mad, but I couldn't seem to remember what I had done to tick her off. I wonder what was going on, especially since Edward quickly tried to walk me the other way. I turned right back around, I wanted to know what was going on.

"Hey Lauren, what's up?"

"What's up? Seriously Bella? Are you cray or something? We all know what you have been doing lately. Taking up a new hobby are we? Does Edward know?"

"About what Lauren?" I was really confused now.

"About you thinking it is perfectly okay to cut yourself! You have gone mental on us! I know we have never really gotten along, but do you know what this has done to Jessica? And Mike? Jesus Bella, are you trying to kill all your friends with you? What is wrong with you these days? Edward left, so you think it is perfectly okay to go into zombie mode, and start cutting yourself! We all go through boy problems, but Edward leaving was not that big of a deal. If every girl went around committing suicide every time some idiot boy dumped her, then there would be a very low population of women in the world. You are so selfish!"

"Lauren, you have no idea what happened to me, so just mind your own business for once and stay out of my life!"

Edward cut in, sensing my discomfort with dealing with Lauren right now, "Lauren, I do believe that you should just leave Bella alone. You have no right talking to her like this until you get the whole story. Please, just get to class before we make a scene."

"First of all, we have already made a scene Edward, second of all, back off," Lauren turned back to me, " Third of all, what don't I know? Edward left you Bella, and you went into some crazed psychotic break down. What else is there?"

I ran off towards the girl's bathroom. Maybe I couldn't become a new person in one day.

Yesterday, I had known that this battle would be hard, but I woke up today feeling like I was on top of the world and could do anything that I put my mind to.

I guess I had given myself a false sense of hope because I retreated to the only thing I could do when I felt like I was going to explode. All the memories of the past six months had come back to me in five minutes. Jasper almost killing me, Edward leaving, John taking me from Jacob, John abusing and harassing me, and the worst memory of them all, John raping me. I couldn't take it anymore.

I pulled out my compass I used for math, and I cut my wrist. I accidentally hit a vein, and I started bleeding. A lot. I couldn't stop the bleeding. For the first time since I started cutting, I felt out of control. I was going to bleed to death. I knew it. I sat down on the floor because I started to feel very dizzy. I was loosing too much blood.

I heard someone come in, and scream. I didn't know who it was, but there was suddenly a lot of people there. People who were watching me die.

These innocent bystanders were going to watch poor Isabella Swan die. They would be scarred for life. I felt a pair of cold arms hug me. I still couldn't identify the person; I was too busy trying to cling onto my consciousness. I knew that if I closed my eyes now, I might never wake up.

The person who was holding me spoke. The voice was like bells. It was Alice.

"Bella, come on, stay with me, you're going to be okay, just stay with me. Come on Bella, you can do it, just focus on my voice. Focus on Edward, on Charlie, on Jacob, on my family..."

I don't know how long she kept cooing like that because about five seconds after she started to speak, I blacked out.

*Hope you guys like it! I have to give the credit to I., because I based this off of their idea. Also, a few reminders:

- Vote in my poll! Should Charlie find out about Bella's cutting?

-I do NOT own twilight!

-Review! Tell me how awesome this chapter was, or how horrible it was! I need to know!

- If you want to know more of what happened with John, and what happened pre-The Never Ending Nightmare, check out Safe. It is another fan fiction I am writing so you guys know what I am referring to. A lot of people were asking about who was John, what happened to Bella, and a lot of other questions like that, so I am going to try an answer them in this story! Thanks!

Thanks for sticking with me! ~ Lexi*


	11. Chapter 11

_* I know that I said that I would be updating sooner, but sports just started, and I am not home very often. Thank you to all who reviewed and voted in the poll. Also, thanks to everyone who adds my story to their favorites or alerts. Finally, thank you to Mitxi (FaNpIrE302028), my beta. Seriously, check out her stories. She is amazing! Here is the chapter! ~ Lexi*_

_**Previously**__: I pulled out my compass I used for math, and I cut my wrist. I accidentally hit a vein, and I started bleeding. A lot. I couldn't stop the bleeding. For the first time since I started cutting, I felt out of control. I was going to bleed to death. I knew it. I sat down on the floor because I started to feel very dizzy. I was loosing too much blood. _

_I heard someone come in, and scream. I didn't know who it was, but there were suddenly a lot of people there. People who were watching me die. _

_These innocent bystanders were going to watch poor Isabella Swan die. They would be scarred for life. I felt a pair of cold arms hug me. I still couldn't identify the person; I was too busy trying to cling onto my consciousness. I knew that if I closed my eyes now, I might never wake up. _

_The person who was holding me spoke. The voice was like bells. It was Alice. _

_"Bella, come on, stay with me, you're going to be okay, just stay with me. Come on Bella, you can do it, just focus on my voice. Focus on Edward, on Charlie, on Jacob, on my family..." _

_I don't know how long she kept cooing like that because about five seconds after she started to speak, I blacked out. _

BELLA'S POV

I drifted in and out of consciousness easily after that. My dreams came and went. It was like I was floating on clouds. I had no idea that death would be that easy. It was peaceful, not nearly as complicated as life.

I felt sympathy, not for myself, but for all those people who watched me die. I am glad that I didn't have to see the look on Alice's face, holding my bloody body, knowing she couldn't help me, watching me bleed to death on the bathroom floor.

And poor Edward, who would have to look at this scene in every witnesses eyes for the next year. His Bella dying. There was nothing he could've done either.

And then there was Charlie and Renee. Charlie, who sees death all the time, but never pictures having to show up at his own daughter's crime scene. Renee, who hardly even knows who my friends are these days. He would wish that he had seen the signs. She would wish that she had gotten closer to me. They would both wish that I had opened up to them.

Lastly, there was Jacob. He probably wouldn't even find out for another few days. Charlie would be too upset to talk about it, and the Cullen's wouldn't care enough to tell them. Maybe after my death, they'll start to get along. Probably not though.

I will miss them, but I will be watching over them, all I hope is that Edward doesn't commit suicide like I did. Having the guilt and the shame on your shoulders. The guilt, because you took away your life, when other people may not have been ready to see you leave yet, and the shame? Well, suicide isn't really encouraged to people these days. Yes, above all else, even the peace, the guilt and the shame were-

"Bella, if you can hear me, open your eyes."

What the hell? I thought I was dead! Who the hell could be talking to me and why are they telling me to open my eyes?

"Bella, if you can hear me open your eyes."

I still didn't fully recognize the voice, though it did sound familiar. I decided to do what he told me to do, and I opened my eyes.

I was in a bright white room, and there were people everywhere. There was a tube up my nose, and it was very uncomfortable, so I tried to take it off, but before I could, I felt a cold pair of hands grab me.

"I don't think so." The voice was magical, like velvet, and I could recognize that voice anywhere. Edward. So, maybe I wasn't dead, but technically, I didn't want to die, so-

"Bella, how are you feeling?" A man in a lab coat asked me, it was Carlisle. He must've taken over after someone called him. He would've saved me.

"Decent, I'm still a little dizzy, but I'm decent."

"Good, you are stable for now, but you have had a few blood transfusions so try to take it easy. I just called your father and he is on the way. I have another patient, but I will be back as soon as I can. Everyone else is roaming the hospital, trying to give you space. Goodbye Bella." He turned to leave, but I had a question for him.

"Wait, Carlisle!"

"Yes, Bella?"

"What's the story? For Charlie, I mean."

"Bella, this has gone too far. I didn't want to tell him, but it is my job to keep you safe, and you just attempted suicide. I had no choice Bella, he has to know."

"First of all, I never attempted suicide, I just lost control of the compass and accidentally hit a vein. Secondly, I'm going to be okay right? Then why does Charlie have to know?" I demanded.

"Bella, I think you are missing the point, you hurt yourself, and it went too far. Charlie needs to know so he can help you-"

"I DON'T NEED HELP!" I screamed, I couldn't take this anymore! There was no reason that Charlie had to know, and there was no reason that I had to go to a therapist.

"Bella, I know you are upset, but I refuse to continue this conversation with you until you calm down. Please, I have to leave now, but I will be back to discuss the situation if we can handle this rationally." Why did he always have to be so calm?

"Fine." I pouted. I knew I wasn't going to win against Carlisle. Maybe it was because I knew that he was right. I had taken this habit and brought it to extreme levels, but maybe it was self-preservation? I knew what Charlie was like when I was in the hospital; he wanted to blame the first person he saw that had anything to do with what happened. This time, it was only me who was to blame, and it was pretty obvious. Well, I guess I had to hold on and hope for the best. As if Edward could read my mind, he squeezed my hand for reassurance, and I knew I wasn't going to be alone.


	12. Chapter 12

*Thank You Everyone!*

CHARLIE'S POV

I hadn't been able to think of anything except my little girl for weeks.

After he left, she wasn't even Bella anymore. She wasn't there. After I threatened to send her to Jacksonville, she had gotten better, but my baby was still missing. Then, she started hanging out with Jacob, and got so much better. She was finally happy again. It was almost like nothing had ever happened. Almost. The nightmares were still there though. I would still wake up in the middle of the night to hear her screaming.

I had never felt so helpless in my life! I am a police officer! A police chief! It was my job to protect people! How could I protect my baby girl when it was her subconscious that was ripping her apart?

I remember the night that she went missing. She was going to go to Jacob's house that day, and I was getting ready to go fishing. That was my usual hobby on Saturdays. I went out on the ocean with Harry and Billy **(A/N Harry doesn't die!) **and we spent the whole day fishing.

*FLASHBACK*

We were in the middle of a cove that we found about a month back and we wanted to check out when my phone started ringing. It was about 2:00, 2:30, when Jacob called me.

"Chief Swan"

"Hey, Charlie, it's Jake, look, we have a bit of a situation here and we need you guys to come home, like now." I turned over to Harry and told him to turn the boat around. He asked what was wrong, but I went back to Jake. I knew that Bella was with him and I was wondering if she had hurt herself again. What was I going to do with her?

"What's wrong Jake? What happened? Is it Bella? Is she okay? What's going on?"

"Charlie, calm down. Look, I'll explain everything when you guys get home I promise. I swear Charlie, I will explain everything."

"Don't think I'm not gonna hold you to that kid, I just need to know, is anyone hurt? Do you need me to get some men down there?"

"I don't think anyone is hurt, but you might want some people down here, look, I didn't want to tell you until you got on land, but, Bella went missing-"

"WHAT! Where is she? What happened?"

"CHARLIE! Calm down, She was with the guys and me. She said she wanted to go home, so I drove her back to your house. I wasn't half way down the street when I heard a scream. I wasn't sure if it was Bella or not so I ran back to your house. She didn't open the door so I went in. I swear Charlie I searched the whole house. She wasn't there. The guys are searching for her still, but they told me to call you."

"Thank you Jacob, we're just getting back on land now. I'm going to call in for some assistance and file a missing persons report. If you see anything else, please, call me back."

"No problem Charlie, I'm gonna go help them look for her. Bye."

I had already hung up on him though. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. The last time my baby girl had gone missing she had come back a zombie. I wasn't going to let that happen again. I was going to find her, if it was the last thing I did.

*END FLASHBACK*

I remember finding her, broken, weak, and almost dead in that house. She wouldn't even let me touch her. I was so worried for her. I didn't think she was ever going to recover from that one. I thought that would've been her breaking point. For the next few weeks I hardly ever left her alone. When I did, I stayed close by. As time went on, and she got happier, I let her of my leash. The Cullen's were back, and as much as I hated that, she was happy with them. She needed them. I realized that now.

I thought that that last recovery was the end. No more pain, no more suffering. I had hoped and prayed that she was going to go back to that cute little girl I grew to love. Everything had gone back to the way it was before they left. Before my daughter's heart was broken. Before he left her suffering on the forest floor. Well, apparently, I thought wrong.

It was a slow day at work, nothing really ever happened much any more. I spent most of my days playing cards with the deputy. I usually beat him pretty bad. Sometimes I let him win, just because I felt like being a nice guy. Bella was at school, having fun, I hoped. She had taken a sick day yesterday, and I was glad. She needed to take care of herself a little better. She looked a lot paler than she used to.

At least she's eating again. I thought to myself. Yeah, I'm going on that.

I was in the middle of my fifth round of black jack with the deputy when my cell went off.

"Well, I guess you win by forfeit deputy, I got to take this."

"Sure man, go ahead"

I looked at the caller ID. Carlisle Cullen. Oh great, what happened now.

"Chief Swan"

"Hello, Charlie? It's Carlisle, do you have a minute?"

"Yeah sure, let me guess, Bella fell again? What am I going to do with her?"

"Well, you are partly correct, of course, it concerns Bella, but she didn't fall. Look, Charlie, I believe she tried to commit suicide in the girl's bathroom at school today. She is in the hospital, and I think that you need to be here when she wakes up. There are other scars on her body. I don't think this was the first time she hurt herself like this Charlie."

I was fuming, but I wasn't going to take it out on Carlisle. I would get the story from Bella later. I was just glad she was okay. She was going to be okay, right?

"Dr. Cullen?"

"Yes Charlie? And please, feel free to call me Carlisle."

"Fine, Carlisle, she's okay, isn't she?"

"Yes, Charlie, she's going to be fine. Well, physically, at least. I have no idea what her mental state is going to be in, if in fact she was wishing for death."

"What do you mean if? You said it was a fact, she attempted suicide!"

"Charlie, she slit her wrists. I'm positive it was suicide because there were no other scars on her wrists, but it could be possible she went to cut, but she slipped and nicked a vein in the process. We won't know until she wakes up. Either way, she will need therapy of some sort. This won't go away on its own."

"Thank you Dr. Cullen, you've always been able to take very good care of Bella, and for that I respect you greatly."

"Anytime Charlie, I love Bella as if she were my daughter, and I will always try to do my best to help her if she needs it. In any way."

"Thank you, I'll see you in a few."

"Your very welcome, I'll see you in a few as well."

We hung up. I couldn't believe I had been so blind. All this time, I had thought that Bella was getting better, that things were getting back to normal, and I was wrong; horribly wrong. She was getting worse and worse.

Every single day she had been hurting herself, and I had been sitting by watching her. I should've been more observant. I am a poor excuse of a father. She had probably been in more emotional pain here than anywhere else, and I was at fault. If I had paid more attention to her, done a few more bonding activities, anything, I might not have just almost lost my little girl.

I went straight to the hospital, and I even turned my sirens on even though it wasn't an emergency. All I wanted was to be with my baby girl. I don't know what I would've done if she had went through with her plan. I would be alone again. Bella had opened up so many doors for me in the past year, and I didn't want them to shut again. She taught me how to be a father again, how to enjoy what you've got. She taught me a sense of family. She taught me how to love again.

I was going to do anything to get her back. I hated therapy, and I had a feeling that Bella would too, but if Dr. Cullen said it was the only way, I wasn't going to risk loosing my daughter again. I just wasn't.

BELLA'S POV

Charlie practically ran through the door to my room, he saw me and stopped. He went seven different shades colors of red and blue and purple, and I thought he had stopped breathing. I was worried about him, but a few minutes later Carlisle came back in and spoke in a calm manner, "Charlie, why don't you have a seat. Edward will move for you."

Edward moved to my other side, and my father sat down next to me. His eyes were all red, and I realized that he had been crying. I had no idea what Carlisle had said to him, but I had a feeling it hadn't done me any justice. Carlisle spoke again

"Edward, why don't we give them some space?" NO! I needed Edward here or someone was going to kill the other, and it would turn into a giant yelling fest! He was not going to take Edward out of here. Just look at how angry I got with Carlisle, and Carlisle could stay calm. Imagine my dad, who had just as many anger issues as I did! No, Edward wasn't leaving. Not yet.

"No, Edward I want you to stay. Please, stay."

"Alright, love, I'll stay." He glanced over at Carlisle, I know that he wanted us to have some privacy, but that wasn't needed right now.

I turned to my father again. He hadn't said anything since he stepped into the room. He was torn, and it was my entire fault.

"Dad, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear it was an accident-"

"Bella, please, stop. I just need to think right now. It is easier, when I can see you safe in my arms. I just need to think. You do not need to apologize for anything. None of this was your fault. If I had just paid more attention to you, then this wouldn't have happened. I know how you feel about talking to people, so I guess I had hoped that you would recover on your own. I should have gotten you help sooner."

"Dad, please. You're killing me." Charlie, Edward, and Carlisle all winced. Okay, bad choice of words

"None of this was your fault, Dad. I was the one who started cutting, not you. You didn't hold a razor to my face saying, 'Bella cut yourself' It was me dad, me."

"Bella, just one question. How long have you been cutting like this?"

"About a month after I got home after Spokane. I slipped in the shower while I was shaving and I scraped my leg. It felt so good to me then, and I didn't want it to go away. I found that as an escape for me. A place I could go to make all the bad stuff go away. I'm so sorry, dad."

"It's okay Bells, just, don't do it again, okay?"

"Okay."

Carlisle stepped in, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have one more thing to discuss. Bella, you and I both know that this isn't going to go away on its own. Charlie and I have discussed this, but I wanted you input."

"Input on what?"

"Counseling, Bella. I understand why the subject upset you before, but I hope that you have calmed down enough to see that you do need help Bella. I'm sorry that it had to get this far." I saw the double meaning in his words. What he really meant was, "I'm sorry I let it get that bad, Bella." Poor Carlisle, it wasn't his fault.

"Wait, Dr, Cullen?"

"Yes Charlie?"

"You said that you were willing to help with anything Bella needed, right?"

"Well, yes Charlie, but-"

"And doctors are trained in psychology, right?"

"Well, not all doctors are, but I am yes. May I ask where you are going with this?"

"Well, obviously I can't speak for Bella, but I know that I have an easier time talking about rough stuff with people I know. Maybe, if it would do her the same justice, she may be more comfortable talking to you."

"I see where you are coming from Charlie. You may be right. It would be easier for her," Carlisle turned to me "Bella? What do you think?"

Well, honestly, I didn't want to discuss my issues with anybody, but I guess that wasn't an option. I knew that I could trust Carlisle, so I guess if it had to be someone, I'd rather have him.

"I agree with my dad. It will probably be easier talking to you Carlisle. I already trust you, and I know I have full access if I need it."

I hoped he saw the double meaning, what I wanted to say was "I know I have 24 hour access so If I want to cut I can drive over to your house."

"Alright Bella, please excuse your father and I so we can make a start date. Charlie?"

"Yeah, I'm coming."

That left Edward and I. I knew that he was psyched that he also had full access to my sessions, but in reality, it was no different than before. I had everyone on my side now. Including my dad.


	13. Chapter 13

Bella's POV

Three days, lots of needles, and a conference with Carlisle later, I was released from the hospital.

My dad had brought me home naturally, and he and I discussed what was going to happen with Carlisle.

Every day after school, I was to go either to the hospital or to the Cullen house to have my daily session with Carlisle. I had a feeling that half the time it wouldn't be Carlisle, but another Cullen who's name started with _J_ and ended with _asper_.

Anyway, I had to go to these daily sessions with 'Carlisle' everyday until he cleared me for only having to go three days per week.

After that, it was one, and after that, it was bi weekly, and then you get the point. Either way, my life wasn't going to be very pleasant. It was nice having Carlisle and Jasper as my "therapists" because I knew that I could be honest with them, and it was nice knowing that they were confidential conferences, but _still_.

It was weird. Carlisle was like a father to me, and Jasper is like a big brother. I know that I can go to them for anything, but this fear radiates inside of me reminding me that they are my family, and I will have to deal with them outside of these sessions.

As soon as Charlie finished talking, I went upstairs to find Edward lying on my bed. I wasn't sure what he was going to say, but I hoped that he was going to keep it easy. I had enough people on my back about what happened, and I would probably get loads of crap about it when I went back to school. By now, the whole student body had probably heard about "suicidal Bella."

"Hey." I couldn't think of anything else to say. There _was_ nothing else to say.

"Bella..." He couldn't bring himself to say anything, and I didn't blame him. If anyone could've made a vampire tired, it had been me over the past twenty four hours. Edward did look exhausted, and I was pretty sure he needed to hunt.

"I start with Carlisle tomorrow, if that makes you feel better." I figured I'd start off slow, work my way into digging my own grave. Okay, not the best comparison, but you know what I mean.

"It does make me feel better, knowing you are getting help, but Carlisle and I are going hunting tomorrow, so I'm pretty sure Jasper will be subbing. I hope you don't mind, but Carlisle needed to talk to me and we were over due for some father-son bonding."

"No, I kinda figured that they would be pairing up. There is no way even Carlisle could handle me like this for an hour a day." He smirked, I was glad I could still make him smile even after everything I had put him through.

"Bella, you have no idea how much he cares about you. He didn't want to leave, but Esme and Alice forced us to go. We haven't hunted in a very long time, and Jasper has been wanting to talk with you for a while anyway. He is actually looking forward to spending time with you," Edward said.

"But wouldn't that make him uncomfortable? Especially with all these cuts on me and everything that has happened?"

"He says that he is okay with it and he is sure he can handle himself. It won't be just you two anyway, Emmett, Rose, Esme, and Alice will still subtly be there."

"Well, as long as he is comfortable, I'm sure that it will be fine."

"Bella, there's another thing."

"What is it?"

"Why?"

"Why what? You're going to have to be more specific than that Edward,"

"Why did you feel like you didn't have anyone. While you were unconscious in the hospital, I heard you say that you were all alone. Is that why you cut yourself? Because you felt alone?" he asked.

"No Edward, it was a mix of things,'' I tried to figure out how to explain this to him. ''First of all, what Lauren said to me kind of put me into a frenzy of depression. Like she flipped a switch from happy, new Bella to old, depressed Bella who hates herself. It wasn't so much that I felt like I was alone that I thought that it wasn't worth it. That life wasn't worth putting you all in that much pain. Like I said, I wasn't thinking very clearly, because Lauren switched on the crazy switch." Edward pulled me into a hug.

"Oh Bella, I love you so much, and so does everyone else."

"I love you too Edward, more than you know."

That night, I fell asleep in my lover's arms. He held on to me loose enough that he wasn't going to hurt me, but tight enough that I could feel that he didn't want to let go of me. That he truly feared the weeks to come.

Honestly, I couldn't think of anyone who didn't. I was going to have to return back to the darkest moments of my life. The parts of my life that I had kept bottled up inside me. I didn't want to go back, but now, did I really have a choice?


	14. Chapter 14

* Thank you all so much! I know that this chapter is really short, and I'm sorry, but it is kind of a little filler that I needed to put in. If you have any questions, concerns, ideas, flames, anything, feel free to PM me. Again, thank you! Lexi *

Edward's POV

Fear. Fear for myself and for my family. Fear for Charlie, and yes, fear for Jacob.

We were all very different from one another, but we all loved one thing. Bella.

We all wished for her health, and we all knew about her current state of mind. Today would be her first day back at school after the suicide attempt, and I wasn't sure what today would bring.

After school today I would bring her back to my house. Jasper was going to talk to her. I already knew what he had planned, but I still wasn't very comfortable with everything that had been going on lately. Then again, who _was_?

My Bella was in pain, and it wasn't like we could do nothing. We couldn't stand here and watch her slowly kill herself. Unfortunately, by hiding this, that was exactly what we had been doing.

Watching Bella die. I wasn't going to take it anymore. That was why I was going to bring her to my house, whether she was ready or not. Whether I had to drag her there myself, or she went willingly. I was done trying to make her happy. Now, I just wanted to get her healthy, even if it killed me in the process.

I stayed at Bella's house last night. It didn't seem like she had many nightmares which was a good thing.

Carlisle and Jasper had bought her a diary, but even though I very much wanted to, I didn't look. I was actually going to go hunting this afternoon during Jasper and Bella's 'session' so I could give them some privacy.

I was aware that Bella would edit her words carefully so that I wasn't in pain, and I wasn't sure if that would be bad for her or not. Carlisle said that it was important to get as much out of her as possible. With that said, it would probably be easier if I wasn't there. I wasn't keen on the idea, but it was the fairest way.

School went by like a breeze, of course there were rumors about Bella, but the teachers did a good job of keeping that under control. Bella had to eat in the office so that she didn't get harassed her first day back. I ate with her as well. Our classes were good and in the passing times nobody really bothered us much.

The teachers kept their eyes on Bella, and timed her whenever she left the classroom, but that was most likely protocol.

It wasn't until it was time to leave that things started to go downhill. Alice came up to me after school got out and warned me of Bella's plan.

"She isn't going to go without a fight Edward, and you don't want to bring attention to yourself. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to pick her up and force her into the car. I'm not letting her get out of this."

"What part of 'Don't bring attention to yourself' did you not understand? If you do that, Bella is going to throw a fit!"

"Well, help me then. Or at least get Jasper here so he can calm her down," I pleaded.

"I can't do that! He's supposed to be at college you idiot! I can probably help though..."

"Uh oh, Alice is scheming. Poor Bella, now she's really in trouble."

"I got it. Just follow my lead. We have to hurry, she's going to sneak out the back way."

"Alright."

We 'ran' back inside the school so we were at the same exit that Bella would be going to. Lucky for us, there were still some students there putting stuff together. We pretended to be talking with them so Bella wouldn't notice us.

Bella came around the corner looking very suspicious. She thought the cost was clear, so she went outside. That was when Alice made her move.

"Hi Bella! Why did you leave this way?"

"Dammit," Bella cursed under her breath. I think she forgot we could hear her.

"Oh Bella, silly goose. Of course I would know that you would be back here. You should really try to make your decisions in less time before class gets out."

"Alice please, just let me go home. I'm tired, just please let me go home," Bella pleaded looking at Alice.

"I'm sorry Bella, but that isn't going to happen. Anyway, why I caught up with you in the first place is that I wanted to know what your plans for later were."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know about what?"

"Never mind."

"Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping later? I need a new dress, I sorta wrecked mine on our last trip," Alice grinned.

Poor Bella didn't even realize that as they talked, Alice was walking her closer and closer to our car. I decided to get in so that we could go right away and Bella didn't have the chance to escape.

With that said, I didn't have a chance to hear the rest of the conversation, the only other thing I heard was the end.

"Come on Bella! Please?"

"No Alice, wait. When did we get in the parking lot?"

"Wow Bella, you really are slow." Alice then opened the door, but in such a way that Bella was trapped between her arms. Bella didn't have a choice but to get into the car.

"Dammit," Bella said, louder this time.

"Bella, you might as well just get into the car. You know I could stand here all day and night if I have to."

"Fine," Bella replied as she made her way into the car. She noticed me sitting in the driver seat, and scowled. She hated loosing, especially when it came to me.

The ride to my house was quiet, Bella wasn't going to talk to me, and Alice had no reason to talk. Only a few words were spared, mostly of Bella complaining.

It killed me to see her this way but I knew it was for her own good. I let her out of the car, and surprisingly, she made a run for it. I easily caught up to her less than a few seconds later and I threw her over my shoulder.

Bad boyfriend move because she started screaming. This wasn't even a "put me down right now" scream that most people did. This was a blood curdling "I'm going to die" scream. It made both Jasper and Emmett come out of the house. I instantaneously put Bella down and saw her face. She was truly scared of me, and she was crying. I felt horrible.

"What happened?" Jasper asked analyzing Bella after obviously feeling her fear.

"I picked her up and I guess I must've scared her. I didn't know, I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so sorry."

"Save it Edward, that isn't going to help her right now." Turning to Bella he said, "Bella, why don't we head upstairs. Everything is already set up for us. Are you okay to walk, or would you like me to help you?"

" I-I C-Can d-do i-it" she said softly, obviously trying not to cry.

She slowly got herself off the pavement of the driveway, and Jasper took my love, the reason for my existence, upstairs into Carlisle's study where memories would come back to her. Demons. The way her face looked right then was enough to tell me that I should back off for a while. She had been truly scared of me, and I didn't even do anything. I had held my love. What could be wrong with that?


	15. Chapter 15

* Just a heads up, this chapter is kind of tough, not as bad as it is going to get, but I think it is fair to warn you that it does go into a bit of detail about Bella's feelings at John's house. Also, thank you Mitxi for betaing! Lexi*

Jasper's POV

I helped Bella get up to Carlisle's study, hoping that I had calmed her down a little in the process.

I hated seeing her like this, and I'm sure Edward was outside freaking out right now as well. I didn't need my power to know that he felt horrible about what had happened. I really hoped that someone would help him realize that it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't _anyone's_ fault.

The only good thing about this was that I was pretty sure it couldn't get any worse. Hopefully.

I hadn't planned to make today hard for Bella. I only wanted to hear what she was willing to tell. I was going to take notes on what she stuttered on, or stuff that was harder for her, and then Carlisle was going to try to get more from her about those topics later.

I waited for Bella to calm down a little bit more before I began.

"So, Bella. Just tell me only the things you feel comfortable saying for today, we'll start out easy. Why don't you just give a rough overview of everything you've been through starting when we left. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings." I felt so professional. This is your sister Jazz, relax!

Bella shuddered, then began speaking.

"Well, Edward met me at my house, and we walked out into the woods. He told me that he didn't want me anymore, and then he just left. I tried to follow him, but I tripped," Bella started while she chuckled, so I did too. Typical Bella.

"I didn't feel like getting up, so I just layed there, in the middle of the woods. It started to rain, but I felt too empty to care. It felt like someone had punched me in the chest, and tore out a big chunk of it, leaving a giant empty hole."

I shuddered at the thought. Just picturing Bella lying on the ground in the rain was hard. Never mind having to feel what she was describing. Obviously she wasn't re-feeling that, but I could still get a taste of what she had been feeling. I decided now would be a good time to encourage her to keep going.

"You're doing great Bella, don't worry about me. Keep going, I'm fine."

"Okay...so I don't remember what time it was when I finally got home that night, but I remember lying on the forest floor, and then I heard someone calling my name. It was Sam. He picked me up and brought me home to Charlie. They declared that I was going to be okay, so they let me sleep." Bella was doing fine, she wasn't getting any more depressed after re-visiting these thoughts. Then again, this was probably the easy stuff.

"After that, I really don't remember much. According to Charlie, I was pretty much a zombie up until January. Then, Charlie threatened to send me back to live with my mom in Jacksonville, so I cleaned up my act. Even though I swore I was hiding the agony well. I started to visit Jacob, and he became my rock. The person I could lean on if I was in pain." I shuddered again. Damn werewolves. Damn Jacob.

"I started to get happier, and Charlie could see it too. It wasn't until late February that things started to get worse again. That was when John got me. It was so scary. I had been at home when he came, he must've been stalking me for a while. I was up in my room doing homework when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it, and he was there. He pulled out a gun and told me to get in his car. I wanted to run, I wanted to grab my cell and call Charlie, but I couldn't. I had never felt so helpless in my life," she admitted.

Bella had started to get teary eyed, so I knew that we had reached the hard part. The part where things were going to get difficult for her. I didn't want her to go in full detail for everything, so I reminded her again, "Bella, remember you can skip over anything you don't want to talk about right now. We can deal with that later, I don't want to make this too hard for you."

"It's okay Jasper, I'm fine." she managed to calm herself down pretty well too. I was impressed.

"Then please, continue." Way too professional Jazz.

"Okay, so I was only in Spokane for a month, but it felt like forever. I would say that the first night was the worst, but it wasn't. It was the hardest though. John had kept the gun on me while I waled into his house. He lived in a campsite in the middle of the woods, only a long driveway connecting him to the main street. The house wasn't that big, only two rooms, a bathroom, and a main living area that held a kitchen and a living room. Well, I'm sure you've heard about it. Anyway, there really wasn't any way for me to get out without him hearing me. Unless he went hunting or left for some reason, even then, he handcuffed me to the bed. Oh my god, the bed." Her eyes went shallow as the memories came pouring back to her. I thought she was going to loose it. I calmed her down but I could feel her fear rising by the minute.

"Bella, your not there, it's just you and me in here. Your not with him, he's gone." Her eyes were still far away, and she never answered me. I decided it was time to move on. I made a quick note for Carlisle, and then spoke again.

"Bella, well skip this for now okay?"

"Okay Jasper." She was crying, and she felt guilty for having to have me see her this way.

"Bella, you're okay. None of us are going to let anything happen to you."

"I know, but it is just so hard to forget..." she trailed off. I needed to change the subject, fast.

"What happened after we rescued you?" That would be a good place to re-start.

"Well," Bella said as she tried to recollect herself, "I was still pretty mad at Edward for leaving me, but I was still scared that John was going to come back for me. I didn't know what to do, or how to feel. All I felt was fear. Fear and sadness. They wouldn't go away. It was so bad to the point that they started controlling my life. I couldn't make it go away. Nobody could.

"One day, I was in the shower. I had to shave, but while I was doing that, I slipped and the razor cut me. Before I got in the shower, I had been upset and scared again, and I felt empty. When I was bleeding, that all went away. I thought I had found a solution. Something that could make it all go away, and that was really all I had wanted.

"I knew that cutting was bad, and I remember in class whenever something like that came up that I said that the girls who did that were stupid, and that cutting got them nowhere, but I finally understood why people cut. It made the hurt go away."

"In about a week, cutting had become habit. By the end of April, it had become an obsession. I relied on cutting to help me get through the day. Nobody knew about it, and I liked that. I had been able to bandage myself up and get the blood to stop. I learned to control the bleeding. I had always been in control whenever I cut. That was why it was so bad that day at school. I hadn't been in control. I couldn't stop the bleeding."

"So basically that is the overview of everything. You have all your notes?" I grinned. Silly Bella.

"Yes, Bella. I have all my notes that I need. Tomorrow Carlisle should be here so you should be all set. Like I said before, Carlisle and I aren't going to force you to say anything you want to skip at first, but eventually we are going to want all of the details about everything. I know that it is a lot to ask, but trust me. It's the only way you are going to get better."

"Thank you Jasper, I really appreciate you doing all this for me. Make sure you tell Carlisle too. I am really sorry for everything that has happened and I know that I don't deserve this. I deserve to be locked up in some asylum-"

"Bella, Bella stop!" I cut her off. This guilt was killing me, "We are your family now, and we take care of our family. That means that we are going to take care of you. I would like to say that we have never abandoned you, and that we never will, but I would be lying. We have earned this ourselves, and it is our way of repaying you for the forgiveness we don't deserve. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be us." I could feel that Edward was back, and he was anxious to see Bella. "Bella, go, Edward is outside waiting for you."

"Thank you so much Jasper." And then she did the thing that I was least expecting her too. Se came over to me and hugged me. Then, she gave me a peck on the cheek and ran outside to catch up with Edward. I could tell she had missed him, but she appreciated the privacy.

I went to my room to meet with my own lover who was changing out of her hunting clothes.

"Hello, darlin'. How was the trip?"

"Good, we didn't go very far, Edward was too worried about Bella." she scowled. I know that she had wanted to go to Canada, but I wasn't surprised that Edward wanted to keep it close.

"I'm sorry." I said as I sat down on our bed.

"Don't be. How's Bella?"

"She did great. I was impressed with her level of control. She has been through so much, you know?"

"Yes, too much."


	16. Chapter 16

Edward's POV

I went hunting like I had promised Bella, even though it almost killed me. Almost.

After that show in the driveway, I was too scared to leave her. She was going back into the old, broken Bella, and I almost took her home right there. Almost. Of course, Alice saw what I was going to do and immediately grabbed my attention after Jasper had taken Bella from me.

"Are you crazy? You can't let her bail! Carlisle would get very mad, not to mention what this would – could do to Bella. Where have you been the past week? She tried to commit suicide Edward, suicide!"

"Alice, she was so...broken. She's never reacted like that. Not in a while at least. Maybe we should give her some more time-"

"No Edward! No! Look, I think you have honestly gone cookoo bananas, so I am going to take you hunting. Also, I have seen that if you stay, you will pull her out, and I won't let that happen dear brother."

"You're right Alice, Bella needs this. If I just keep thinking that, then I can get through this."

"Edward, give me a break. It's an hour, not a millennium."

"Easy for you to say..." I grumbled. It felt like a millennium to me, especially when I knew my Bella was in pain.

"Edward look at me." she said. I just ignored her.

"Edward Cullen, you look at me right now, or I promise you, you will not like your future." I read her mind trying to figure out what she was going to do to me if I didn't listen, but she must've known that I would do that because she was singing the "ABC's". I decided that I wouldn't risk it and I turned around to look at my sister who was actually tapping her foot at me.

"What, Alice?" I said, very agitated.

"You listen to me Edward, and you listen good. You aren't the only one who has been affected by Bella's recent behavior. I was the one to hold her practically dead body, watching her die, able to save her, but unable to at the same time. If she died, I could never have forgiven myself. But she didn't die.

''She needs help right now Edward, and she is lucky to have a family that supports her, even if she thinks that we aren't there for her. Everyone loves her Edward, not just you. You have to get over your self-pity, and move on. If she doesn't do this, she'll never get better. She will stay the same suicidal Bella that we have been seeing lately. Once she gets through this, she will go back to being the old Bella. I know it, I've seen it. I've also seen that if you interfere, she will try to hurt herself again, and this time, it won't be slow and painful. It will be fast, because she won't want to go through this again. You need to stop worrying about her, because in the end, that is what will kill her. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I said blankly.

I had never considered Alice in this whole mess that had developed in the past week. She was absolutely right. I had only been considering myself, and not worrying about how this had been affecting her or others for the matter.

She was the one who sat hopelessly in the bathroom with a bloody Bella in her arms, knowing that she could save Bella, but at what cost? She couldn't save Bella without putting our family in danger, and she had to make an unfair choice. I had seen the vision replay several times in her mind, and all this was stressing her out. She had to keep her eyes open in case Bella tried to pull that stunt again, and she was right about another thing too. If I pulled Bella, I will killed her. She would try to kill herself again so that she wouldn't have to go through this again, and this time, she would be fast and she would be thorough. I wasn't going to let that happen.

As I was musing to myself, I caught the scent of a herd of mountain lions. I chased them down and took down three of the pack, which satisfied me. The hour was almost up, so I decided to head back, Alice close behind me anxious to see Jasper, I'm sure.

I saw Bella come out of the house, and she looked blank. I wanted so bad to read Jasper's mind, but I couldn't betray Bella like that, so I ignored that particular voice.

"Bella, how are you love?" I asked, being cautious of my position around her.

"I'm fine, you are allowed to touch me, I don't know why I freaked out earlier. I guess I was just worried about the session. I'm sorry if I made you sad." She looked at me at such an angle that I could see right through her sad, brown eyes.

"That's alright love, I understand,'' I assured her. ''How about we get home to Charlie? He's expecting you home soon."

"Yeah, we should get going."

I held the passenger's door open for her as she climbed into the car. I could tell that she was still weary of my touch, but she wasn't as frantic about it as she was earlier. I hoped that that would be the last time I had to see her like that.

We drove to Charlie's house, and I walked Bella up to the door.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've caused Edward, please make sure everyone else knows that. I don't think that they'll forgive me, but I owe everyone an apology."

"There's nothing to apologize for, love. Even if there were, it almost impossible to hold a grudge on you for long. Even Rosalie's been hurting for you. They all love you very much and all we want is for you to get better."

"Thank you Edward, I really don't deserve you all." She looked away, but I grabbed her chin before she opened the door, and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Deserving or not, I love you and I will always be there for you. Please, don't ever forget that."

"I love you too Edward. More than you know." Just then, she started in again for another kiss, but I had to turn her away once I heard the chief's thoughts.

"Charlie is wondering what we're doing out here, and if we take any longer he's going to come out here and send me off." I explained.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess?" Bella said, probably trying to get the vision of her father coming out on us kissing out of her head.

"Yes, I'll be here to pick you up for school. I love you, Bella Swan."

"As I love you Edward," she replied/

With that, she turned to open the door to her house, and I turned away form my beloved, and walked to my car.

BELLA'S POV

"Yes, I'll be here to pick you up for school. I love you, Bella Swan." Edward, my own personal god said to me.

"As I love you Edward." I replied. I turned to open the door to my house relieved that Charlie never came outside interrupting us.

"Dad, I'm home!" I yelled, unsure of exactly where my father was.

"Hey, Bells! I'm in the living room. By the way, Jake and Billy are coming over tonight for dinner. They're bringing pizza, so you don't have to cook anything."

"Oh, dad. You didn't have to do that." I said. I knew why my dad didn't want me to cook. He probably didn't trust me with a knife. I honestly could say that with the way I had been acting, I didn't disagree with him. Lately, the urge to cut had been coming on impulse, not schedule. I had no clue when I was going to have that urge, and I didn't want to have a cooking knife in my hands when I did.

"Oh well, Bella. I did, so deal with it. How'd the therapy thingy go?"

"Good." I said, not wanting to go into detail, after all, it was supposed to be at the hospital with Carlisle instead of at the house with Jasper.

"That's it? Good."

"Well, yeah dad. Isn't that stuff supposed to be private?"

"Yeah, but I though that since I was your father you would let me get into your head a little more. Seriously Bells, I feel terrible about letting what happened happen, and I want you to be able to talk to me. I've been thinking a lot about what happened lately, and I think most of it is because I'm a pretty crappy father to you."

"No, dad. Don't do this to yourself. The whole cutting thing was my idea, my fault. Don't go blaming yourself, it will only make things worse for me."

"Well, Bells, I still want you to know that I'm here for you. I know I'm not around all that much, but I can try harder if you want me too. I can understand if you don't want your dad around all the time, but I will be there if you want me." He was looking at me so seriously, I thought he was going to start crying soon. Thankfully, I heard a knock at the door and used that as an opportunity to make a run for it.

I opened the door to find a shirtless Jacob staring right at me. Apparently he hadn't expected me to be here.

"Bella."


	17. Chapter 17

BELLA'S POV

I opened the door to find a shirtless Jacob staring right at me. Apparently he hadn't expected me to be here.

"Bella." He said, blankly.

"Jacob," I sighed in defeat. I would never live this down, would I?

"How are you? Nobody told me that you'd be home…" he said, glancing at Billy.

"Hey, leave me out of this. It was supposed to be a surprise." I moved out of the way, allowing them both to enter, and Billy immediately left us and wheeled himself over to the living room. They were probably just going to continue with the gossip of Forks, Washington's newest headliner.

"So…Bella…" he didn't know what to say. Typical Jacob.

"Jacob, I'm not an alien, although some people right now would probably disagree. Believe it or not, I'm still Bella."

"No. You're not Bella. You're not an alien, but you're not Bella."

"What the hell Jake?"

"Bella would've talked to someone. Anyone. She wouldn't have tried and killed herself. Bella isn't selfish like that." He was glancing at the floor.

"If you want to call me selfish, you better have the nerve to say it to my face." I was getting pretty pissed off right now. Who did he think he was?

"Bella, I'm not trying to be an ass, trust me. I'm just trying to find a way to get through that wall you've decided to build. You promised me that you were going to try and get better. You broke that promise, and it killed me. I don't know what to saY to get through to you!"

"Maybe you shouldn't say anything. I'm in therapy, Jake. Charlie knows, EVERYONE KNOWS! Even if I wanted to try to kill myself again, I wouldn't be able to without having to end up in a psychiatric hospital! I have no choice anymore, I have no freedom!"

"Bella, chill out. You have plenty of freedom. More than you know. The only reason that you feel locked up is because you are doing all this crap to yourself. Like I said before, you have locked yourself up in this cage, this wall, and not only are you not letting others in, but you're not letting Bella out."

"And I thought you were actually going to be nice to me!" I groaned, looking away. I didn't want to hear his bullshit right now. I didn't care what he said.

"Bella, come on. You know that I don't want to be a jerk, but if it's the only way to break into your head? Well, I'll take the risk of loosing a friend if it means that Bella can come back to us. I'm not the only one who's thinking it either. We all think that the Cullen's are going too easy on you."

"They aren't going too easy on me, they're treating me like I should be treated! They're waiting for me! They aren't just making my decisions for me; they are letting me make them. They are taking what I need, and blending it with what I want. Maybe if you tried to care, you could do the same."

"Whoa, Bella. First of all, if anyone is taking away your freedom, it's them. Secondly-"

"JACOB BLACK SHUT UP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I had had it with him, and I just wanted him out of my sight, or I was going to do something I would regret.

Charlie came running in, with Billy following closely behind.

"What the hell's going on in here?"

"Just giving Bella a reality check, Charlie. I can see that she needs one." He glanced at me. I swear to god, if that bastard didn't shut the hell up, I was going to punch him right in the face.

"Jake, maybe you should give Bella some space." Charlie said, noticing the murderous glare I was giving Jacob.

"No problem Charlie. I was just leaving anyway." With that, he took off out the door,

"Bella, you should apologize to him. He didn't mean it. We have all been a little edgy lately, what with everything going on and all. He wasn't right, but that doesn't make what you did and or said any better either."

"I didn't do anything wrong!" I yelled. I was sick and tired of people blaming me. It seems like that was all people did these days.

"Bella…" he said in a warning tone. All he did was glance at the phone and then go back into the living room with Billy. Billy was smart; he just stayed out of the whole thing.

I decided to call Jacob, Charlie was right. I had over-reacted a little. I just hoped that he would apologize too.

"Hello?" he answered

"Hey, look. Before you say anything, I'm really sorry. I over-reacted big time. It feels like all I do these days is apologize, and I need to stop. I'm so sorry and I can understand if you don't want to talk anymore, or if you can't forgive me."

"Bella, shut up. We're cool, as long as you can forgive me. I know I kept saying I didn't want to be an ass, and I didn't, but is no excuse for actually being an ass. I screwed up, and I think that I owe you an apology as well."

"Thanks Jake, so, you wanna hang out sometime?" I tried to change the subject before it got too mushy.

"Sure, if your bloodsucker friends will let you."

"Ugh, Jake! Would you stop calling them that? I'm sure they'll let me. Anyway, Carlisle recommended doing hourly checks on me so if I ask him, Edward can't say no."

"Awesome, go Dr. Dracula." He said sarcastically. I couldn't help but snicker a little at the new nickname. Jake always knew how to make me laugh, and that was one of the reasons I enjoyed being around him so much.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow after school?"

"Yeah, and after your session." He added, dammit, I thought to myself, I didn't know he knew about those.

"Ugh, fine. Bye, Jake, sorry again for my blowup."

"No problem Bella, see you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone. Now all I had to do was tell Edward. Yay.


	18. Chapter 18

Bella's POV

After I hung up with Jake, Charlie began hounding me with interrogations.

"Did you two make up?" he questioned.

"Yes, dad, I'm going over his house tomorrow after school. "

"After therapy?" He raised an eyebrow at me. Everyone knew by now that I was trying to do anything in my power to get out of it.

"Yeah, whatever."I rolled my eyes, "I'm gonna go to bed, 'kay?"

"Sure, goodnight."

"Night." I ran upstairs to my room, to find Edward laying on my bed. He looked upset, with a bit of frustration. He was just laying there with his eyes closed. If any other person walked in, they would've thought he was a corpse.

"Edward." He opened his eyes and looked at me. He sat up, and motioned for me to sit by him. I shrugged off the offer. I still wasn't one hundred percent with people touching me, even Edward.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He must've seen the look on my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. "

"I heard about you and Jacob. Don't worry about him, he doesn't understand- "

"Edward, please. He does understand, he just disagrees with you on how to handle the situation."

" Really? Care to elaborate?"

" He thinks you should all be taking the direct approach. Force it all out of me."

" And hurt you in the process? Unlikely. But, it could work... sp that's what the fiasco downstairs was about?"

"Basically. He was telling me what he was afraid I wouldn't hear from you. That I wasn't Bella anymore, and I had become another person. He said I built a wall, not only to keep everyone else out, but to keep Bella in. He believes that Bella is still in there, but you need to break down the wall to get to her. That is the challenge in this."

" Well, that is a possible solution, what do you think?"

"I think that he is right, but I would rather take my time. I know that Carlisle and Jasper will force it out of me if I take too long, and I know that they have a plan, one that won't hurt me."

"That's true."

"Why are you discussing this with me? Everybody else is making all of my decisions for me. You're discussing this calmly with me, allowing me to voice my opinions, why?"

"I studied psychology a little, not nearly as much as Jasper and Carlisle, but enough to know that when someone attempts suicide, that they feel powerless and alone. I also know that during the recovery process, if you talk about solutions with the person in question, and let them make responsible decisions, they will feel less powerless, and less alone. Am I right?"

"Yeah, I guess you are." Just then, I had to break the moment to silence with a yawn. Damn, I was tired.

"You want to know what else I think?"

"What?" I asked.

"That it is time for the human to get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow if you are tired."

"Yeah." I said as I climbed into bed. I was wondering why he never asked about Jacob. Surely Alice would've seen me going to his house? Whatever, I'd just let it go for now, I was really tired.

"One more thing..." he said, moving over so I could lie down on the bed, "What are your plans for tomorrow after therapy?"

"oh, yeah. Those..." I trailed off. Maybe I hadn't gotten off as easily as I had planned.

"Well?" he prodded

"I was planning on going over to Jacob's. He hasn't seen me since all of this has started, and he wants some quality time."

"You just saw him a few days ago." He grumbled. I knew he would get mad.

"I kind of ruined it with the heatstroke, and then it turned into a crisis, remember?"

"Unfortunately, but still..."

"Oh, puh-leeze Edward. You have got to be kidding me!"

"No, I'm not. You can't go."

"Too bad. I'm going, enough said. Plus, Charlie knows I'm going and he does hourly checks. He'll call Jacob and if I'm not there, well, that could get me in trouble, and you wouldn't want that would you?"

"Ugh, fine Bella. You win. But, one condition."

"What now? I drive you to the line like last time, and you text or call me every hour letting me know you are okay and with Jacob."

"You aren't going to call Jacob to make sure I'm not lying?"

"No, Bella. I trust you."

"Thanks, that means a lot to me these days."

"Anytime, love. Now, why don't you get some rest. It's getting late.

"Very." With that, I fell into the darkness of sleep. I was glad that Edward was allowing me the opportunity to go over to Jacob's. Not that he really had a choice though. Either way, I couldn't wait. I was not going to screw things up this time.

*I'm really sorry for the short chapter :( I do not own Twilight, and thanks to everyone who has reviewed and favorited. Thank you to Mitxi, my beta! *


	19. Chapter 19

* Hey, here is another chapter. Just a warning, this one is a little graphic. If you don't like it, don't read it. Just skip right over the italics, because it is just a dream. The rest should be good. Lexi *

BELLA'S POV

_"Why are you doing this to me?" I begged. John had to go to town for a few hours and was currently handcuffing me to the bed. He did that in an effort to make sure that I didn't run away while he was gone._

_ "Because, love. I don't want you to do something you'll regret. I don't want you to be in any more pain than necessary." He had a solemn look on his face and was focusing hard on making sure the handcuffs were tight enough. _

_ "If you don't want me to be in anymore pain, then how about you let me go?" I asked, in a pathetic attempt to have him release me. Unfortunately, it failed miserably. _

_ "Nice try, love, but I can't do that."_

_ "Why?"_

_ "Because your mine, now. Nobody can change that. You belong to me, and I don't want anyone taking that right from me."_

_ "So you don't want people to take away what is rightfully yours?"_

_ "Exactly, love." He said, smiling; happy that I had finally understood him._

_ "Okay, have you ever heard the rule, 'Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you?'"_

_ "I believe I have heard that somewhere love." He was now looking right at me. I was trying very hard to talk my way out of here, but I was doing a horrible job. I just wanted to go home. It had been three days and I just wanted to go home, and to be with Charlie, safe again._

_ "Then why do you think it's okay to take away my virginity, which I had rightfully owned?" I started crying. He had raped me three times already. He had already robbed me of what I couldn't get back. He had already robbed me of my virginity, and it hurt like hell, but maybe if I chose my words right I could make it all stop and I could go home. Yeah, fat chance of that happening, Bella._

_ "What is your name, love?" he asked, still trying to hold himself together. I could tell that he was loosing it, and that I hadn't chosen my words carefully enough. I had gotten on John's bad side._

_ "Bella Swan."_

_ "Bella, love. You need to SHUT UP, and quit BACKTALKING ME! If you don't, I will make sure you wish you had never been born. I will make you suffer!"_

_ "I already wish I wasn't born! If I hadn't been born, I wouldn't be here with you right now, you horrible man!" I was sobbing now. I really wanted to go home to Charlie. I really hoped that he would find me soon._

_ "Well, then you're in for a rude awakening, love. I haven't even begun yet." With that, my worst nightmare walked out the door._

_ As soon as he left, I started frantically pulling on the handcuffs. I didn't know what that was going to accomplish, but I couldn't just do _nothing._ I had to try and escape, and that was what I spent the next three hours trying to do. Escape. _

_ John walked back in the door, and I could smell the alcohol radiating off of him. I was in for a long night, and I had used up all of my energy trying to get out of this hellhole. _

_ "Bella, love? Are you awake doll?" Doll? That was a new one. He came into my room and undid the handcuffs. My wrists had been bleeding from all the stress I had put on them. I hadn't realized how much they actually hurt until the excess weight was lifted off of them._

_ John looked at my wrists, "Bella, what were you doing? You need to stop trying to escape, you'll just end up hurting yourself more in the end." He reached his hand up my leg, but I kicked him, shouting, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"_

_ "Bella, Bella, Bella. You never learn, do you? You belong to me, and I can do anything my heart desires with you. Now, if you cooperate, I'll consider going easier on you. Okay?"_

_ "Do. Not. Touch. Me!" I said, looking right into his eyes. He continued to not listen to me, and he pulled down his pants, and got on the bed. Just as he was about to rape me, I screamed._

"Bella, Bella wake up! Dammit, Bella! Wake up!"

I awoke to the face of an angel, one who was shaking me, frantically trying to pull me out of this nightmare.

"Edward?" I said, confused as to why he was here. Charlie was usually the one who I found trying to wake me up whenever I had a nightmare. Edward didn't want to get caught if Charlie heard me screaming.

"Oh, thank god." He said, pulling me into a tight hug. Relief flooded his face, and it was obvious he had been worried.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked, in an attempt to change the subject.

"He left for work, love. It's already six – thirty. You slept in." He smiled.

"No way! I said, checking the clock. It said in its stupid bright red numbers "6:32" "Dammit." I mumbled to myself, getting out of bed.

" I need to take a shower, could you fix me up something to eat?" I looked pleadingly at Edward, who was already heading to the door of my bedroom.

"Of course. Anything in particular you would enjoy?"  
"Just a bowl of cereal would do for today, Edward. Thanks."

"Anytime. Are you sure you're okay?" It was obvious in his tone that when he said 'are you okay' he implied 'are you going to cut?'

"If I cut myself, you would be able to smell the blood. I'm not that stupid. Now, go or we're going to be late!" I shooed him out of my way and went into the bathroom. He looked amused that I was so obsessed with getting to school on time today. Usually, he had to wait an extra fifteen minutes as I took my own groggy time to get my act together in the morning. I was easily not a morning person like Charlie.

I took a quick shower and headed downstairs to find a disgusted Edward staring at my cereal bowl.

"Did I do that right?" He asked me, unsure of himself.

"Did you add milk to the cereal?" I asked, being a smart ass.

"Yes…"

"Then you're good." I said, taking a spoonful of cereal and shoving it into my mouth. Damn, he could even make cereal perfectly!

"How do you eat that?" he said, looking like he was going to go barf, not that he could.

"It's human food, Edward. I wouldn't expect you to understand." I said, smiling.

"Well, since I apparently can't understand human breakfasts, do you think I could understand how to get that pile of schoolwork into your backpack?"

"Yeah, I think you can handle that." I said, shoving yet another spoonful of cereal into my mouth.

It took me a total of seven minutes and sixteen seconds to shove the whole bowl of cereal in my mouth. It was a wonder that I didn't choke on it. As soon as I finished, I grabbed Edward and my backpack, shoved them both into his Volvo, and we headed off to school.

"In a hurry much?" he asked, as we were driving.

"More like I'm in a hurry to get the day over with." I said.

"I see." He said, and we drove off to what was sure to be another day in hell.

* Hoped you like it! Thank you to Mitxi, my beta and to all you awesome people who read my story! Please review! Also, I have been writing another story called Family Re-United if you want to check it out *** **wink * It is about if Jasper, Emmett, and Edward all had little sisters who were also changed into vampires. I know it doesn't sound that great but it is a really good story and worth checking out. Thank you all so much! Lexi *


	20. Chapter 20

BELLA'S POV

Edward and I drove into the school parking lot. It wasn't as busy as it had been yesterday, but there were still people who lingered around just to get a sneak peak of the suicidal teen. It was becoming obvious that I was the talk of the school these days. Everyone knew that Bella Swan tried to commit suicide in the girl's bathroom. Whether or not people believed the stories they heard, was the question.

There were some the people who truly believed that I tried to commit suicide, and that I had "issues." These were typically people who lingered in hallways to shoot glances at me now and then, or helped to spread the rumors. One of these people was Jessica. On the other hand, there were people who thought it was all a lie. They thought that it was just some idiot that made it all up to get attention. Everyone knew that I was rushed to the hospital in a bloody mess, but these particular people thought that it was clumsy Bella's fault. Not suicidal Bella's fault. One of these people was Mike.

Then, there were the people who believed my story. They believed that Lauren had pushed me to the edge, and that I couldn't take it anymore. That I just cut, but slipped up and hit a vein. Most of these people were my close friends; Angela, Ben, Eric, and even Alice and Edward were starting to see my side of the story as a possibility. They tried to stop the rumors and get out the truth, but unfortunately for me, that first group holds about ninety five percent of the school.

Anyway, so Edward opened up my door for me, and guided me through the crowd of anxious people. He held me in a way that I was comfortable with, but made sure that I was secure and unable to escape him.

We got into class and the teacher started talking about some topic I couldn't pronounce if I tried. Edward was still holding me, but I was surprisingly okay with that. I had been okay with a lot of stuff lately that I wouldn't have been three weeks ago. Maybe this _was_ working.

I was working on the assignment when the voice came over the loudspeaker,

"Isabella Swan to the office, Isabella Swan to the office."

The voice was paralyzing, but Edward gave my hand a squeeze of reassurance before letting me go. I wasn't absolutely sure what the office wanted, but I knew it wasn't going to be fun.

As soon as I got into the main office, I gave Mrs. Green my name,

"Isabella Swan." I said.

"Mr. Detelich would like to see you, sweetie," she said in her nice secretary tone. There was no way this was happening to me. Mr. Detelich was the school psychologist and I did NOT want to see him. I already had therapy at the hospital; I didn't want it here too. Alas, I had to go. I was on my own, with no Edward or Alice guiding me through this. I could just get it all over with, and then get back to class. I could do this.

I went over to Mr. Detelich's door and I knocked.

"Come in!" he called.

"Hey," I said, walking in. I doubted he would even know my name if he saw me on the street, so why was I about to spill my guts out to him?

"Ah, Isabella. How are you?" he said with those sympathetic eyes. God, put away the show, man. I don't believe it for a minute.

"I'm good, and you can call me Bella."

"Okay, Bella it is. So, Bella, what are your plans of action for rehabilitation?" Holy cow, direct much? Most councilors butter you up before you get into the heavy stuff, but this guy, he jumped right off the high dive.

"I have afternoon counseling sessions with Dr. Cullen."

"How often?"

"Every day after school and weekends."

"Good. So, how are you feeling about all of this?"  
"What do you mean?" I was starting to get confused. Couldn't he dumb it down a little?

"Well, are you feeling overwhelmed by all of the attention? Stressed, even? It's normal for one to go through this during rehabilitation." Are you kidding me?

"Look, I appreciate all you're trying to do, but I used to cut, not do drugs. I am in therapy, and getting treatment. That's all that matters, right?"

"Yes, but it is also my job to make sure you feel comfortable and safe in the school perimeter. Is that the case? Are you comfortable and safe?"

"Yes, now I am."

"Well, I'll let you go for now, but I want to talk again in a few weeks after you have a chance to regroup. Goodbye, Bella."

"Bye, Mr. Detelich,'' I said, waking out of his office. Man, that was aggravating. Cutting was not a drug! Why were people treating it like it is?

Luckily, Mr. Detelich let me out during passing, so I hooked up with Edward quickly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned. He saw what I was like with Jasper, never mind an actual psychologist.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Alright, then we should get to class." He smiled, then grabbed my hand and we walked to class


	21. Chapter 21

* I know, this is a really short chapter, and I'm very sorry, but it is really just a bridge for the next therapy session. I got a lot of reviews, and I didn't want to just leave you all hanging! Also, three more reviews and I'm at fifty! Help me get there! *

BELLA'S POV

The rest of the day was easy. Edward only asked a few questions about what happened, and then he would drop the subject for a while. It was the same thing with Alice. The teachers seemed to give me eyes of sympathy, but still treated me like any other student.

By the end of the day, I had long forgotten the events of the morning. My aggravation had blown over, and I was content again. Well, until I was in the car, driving to the hospital.

"Why did I forget?" Edward was trying to focus on driving in an attempt to not laugh at my distress, mostly with myself.

"You wouldn't have had a choice anyway. One way or another, you would've gone to the hospital."

"Yeah, I probably would've fallen getting out of your car or something."

"That wasn't exactly what I meant, but that works too."

"Why are you so forceful about these things? They don't count for anything, and most of the time it isn't even me talking. It's me thinking and that brings on disaster for all of us."

"Bella…getting you thinking about what happened, talking about it, it makes sure that you aren't just burying these thoughts down inside you and forgetting about what happened. It _makes_ you think, and that's the point. I know it's hard for you now, but in a few months, when you are used to thinking and talking about what happened, it will make you feel a lot better."

"But it's so annoying! God, if Lauren hadn't-"

"It wasn't Lauren's fault. We should've taken action sooner. It was obvious that this wasn't going away on its own, and we should've done something. It isn't her fault."

"If she had kept her big mouth quiet-"

"Bella, please. _Try_ to cooperate with Carlisle. He isn't going to go as easy as Jasper was, and I don't want you to getting in any fights." I hadn't even noticed we were in the hospital parking lot.

"Where are you going to be?"

"I'm going home, and I'll be back in an hour. Unless you want Jacob to pick you up?"

"No, you can drop me off at the line, I don't want Jacob to have to see me when I walk out of the Hospital. I'll probably be a mess."

"You'll be perfect, as always." He bent over to kiss me, and I returned the favor. We were like that for a good minute when he pulled away. "You're going to be late." He stated simply.

"So?" I responded, kissing him again.

"Go." He said sternly. Reluctantly, I pulled away and got out of the car. I walked to where the front desk was, and gave the nurse my name.

"Isabella Swan."

"Alright, can you fill this out for me, please?"

"Sure."

The questions were the average ones you would get at any doctors office, except these were a little more in detail. I wasn't in the psych ward, so I didn't have to answer any questions like that yet, and that got me calmed down a little.

After about another two or three minutes of waiting there, Carlisle came in and motioned for me. He knew who I was, so he didn't have to do the whole, "Isabella Swan?" thing.

He brought me into his office, and we sat down, talking quietly while preparing ourselves for the rough chat ahead.


	22. Chapter 22

BELLA'S POV

I walked to where the front desk was, and gave the nurse my name.

"Isabella Swan."

"Alright, can you fill this out for me, please?"

"Sure."

The questions were the average ones you would get at any doctors office, except these were a little more in detail. I wasn't in the psych ward, so I didn't have to answer any questions like that yet, and that got me calmed down a little.

After about another two or three minutes of waiting there, Carlisle came in and motioned for me. He knew who I was, so he didn't have to do the whole, "Isabella Swan?" thing.

He brought me into his office, and we sat down, talking quietly while preparing ourselves for the rough chat ahead.

"So, Bella," he started, "What has been the most overwhelming obstacle since your return?"

"Well, I guess getting people to trust me and to give me my space." That _was _the thing I missed the most. My privacy.

"Okay, then we'll start there."

"What does this have to do with anything?" I was so confused right now.

"Well, it's just as important to problem solve as it is to actually discuss what happened. Your privacy is a problem, and together we can solve it. Also, Edward isn't here, so you can freely discuss what you have problems with."

"I _don't_ have a problem with anything Edward has done." I snarled at him. What the hell?

"I understand Bella, but if you by any chance did, this would be the time to talk about that."

"Alright, we're moving on." I was already annoyed, and I had promised Edward I wouldn't fight with Carlisle.

"Okay. So, what do you think about everything that has happened?"

"Overall? Well...it sucks." Carlisle smiled a little, but it went away fast.

"Well, yes, but what in particular 'sucks' about it?"

"The lack of trust everyone is giving me. It seems like the only person who understands me anymore is Jacob!" I had officially lost any ties I had to keeping my mouth shut. I was done with this crap, and I really wanted Edward and Carlisle to hear some of this. "All anyone ever does anymore is ask me 'how do you feel? How are you doing?' Yes, what happened was awful. I will probably never recover even if I'm in these stupid sessions for the rest of my life. But I'm still Bella. I'm still a human being who needs normality. This has been going around unnoticed for a month, and I was fine with the cutting. I was normal; _life_ was normal! I guess all I really want right now is to get that all back. I want to be able to make my own decisions for myself based on what I believe is right. I want to be able to just sit by myself in my room without my dad having to come in and make sure I didn't kill myself! This whole thing is tearing me apart!"

"Bella, you know why we have to do all of that. Some of it can be rearranged, but some of this is inevitable. You need to earn our trust back."

"You all left me..."

"Bella, that's not the same thing-"

"I'm not done. When you came back, all Edward wanted was for me to forgive and trust him again. I did without a second glance. I know I shouldn't expect that in this particular situation, but I do expect to not be locked up in some pit of sanity. I want my life back, and I don't want people treating me like I'm some freak. I know that in school, that isn't always going to happen. There are going to be idiots who are going to call me stuff, and I don't really care about them. But honestly, I can even see it with you guys. I see you edit your words for my sake, and you go out of your way to avoid certain conversations. I see it with Edward, and I see it with the rest of you. You are alienating me, and I don't want nor need that. I thought you of all people would understand how important it is to treat someone like they are still human." I was taking all of this out on Carlisle, and I was really sorry, but I couldn't keep it in any more. I couldn't take it. I knew that people didn't have to treat me this way, and I knew that Carlisle knew.

"Bella, you are absolutely right. I have no excuse for what we as a whole have been doing to you, but I do apologize. I should've been more careful, but I wasn't. From now on we will try to treat you more 'human' if that is what you want. This is something I can and will fix. I will also talk to Edward as well, if you wish." He took a quick glance at his watch and then said, "any how, time is up. I had a good discussion today and I am available tomorrow. We'll go back to talking about the events that happened, and how they affected you. We'll also try to find solutions to other problems you have. Alright?"

"Sure." I said, I was still in shock at what I said earlier.

"Are you coming over or going home?"

"I'm going over to Jake's actually." I said, happily. I had forgotten about that. Maybe we could take the bikes out...

"Okay, in that case I might have a family meeting tonight. Is there anything else you need me to mention?"

"No, that's probably it. Thanks."

"Anytime, Bella."

I walked out of the hospital doors and I saw Edward waiting for me. He looked upset, but happy. Weird, had he heard me?

"Hey." I said,

"Bella, why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"That I was editing and making you feel alienated?"

"Oh, it never came up," I lied.

"You're a rotten liar, Bella. Please, don't be afraid to tell me how you feel. I want to be there for you. I want you to feel safe with me."

"I do feel safe with you, I just don't want to hurt your feelings."

"You could _never_ hurt my feelings, Bella."


	23. Chapter 23

* Hello, Everyone. I am sorry to say that this is the last chapter. I really enjoyed writing this story, but this is also the type of story that can go on forever, and I have so much else to do right now that since this was a good place to end, I had to take the opportunity. I love you guys so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope that you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. Well, without further adieu, here is the final chapter for The Neverending Nightmare, my first fan fiction. *

Bella's POV

I walked out of the hospital doors and I saw Edward waiting for me. He looked upset, but happy. Weird, had he heard me?

"Hey," I said as I approached him.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice showing the upsetting feeling that was on his face as well.

"What?"

"That I was editing and making you feel alienated," he explained.

"Oh, it never came up," I lied, but as always he saw right through me.

"You're a rotten liar, Bella. Please, don't be apprehensive to tell me how you feel. I want to be there for you. I want you to feel safe with me."

"I do feel safe with you, I just don't want to hurt your feelings."

"You could never hurt my feelings, Bella," he assured me.

We walked to his car and sat in silence for the rest of the car ride. When he dropped me off at the line, we kissed silently, and he just let me go. Only mumbled goodbye s and I love you s were exchanged. I walked up to Jacob, and he smiled giving me a giant hug. One I could only anticipate from Jacob.

"Hey, Jake." I voiced, "I ve missed you."

"I missed you too, Bella. How are you?"

"I m good. It s all okay now, I guess,'' I shrugged.

"Really, so this is it?"

"I guess so. I have so many people watching me that I can t possibly get away with another relapse, and I am in therapy, so I mean there s no reason why I shouldn t get better at this point, right?"

"I guess so, but I'd still be careful."

"I know I m not letting my guard down for a while. Wow Jake, I thought you had more trust in me than that," I said, joking with him. Not a lot of people did trust me these days. I ve said it before and I ll say it again. I don t blame them.

"Can you blame me after what we ve been through?"

"Not at all, I was joking. I m just hoping for some dignity after this. Everyone thinks that I have gone crazy, and well, I don't want that to last forever even though it probably will."  
"Jesus, Bella! You're such a pessimist!" We were both laughing at this point. It was going to be a good day, despite what I went through earlier.

"What are we going to do?"

"What do you want to do?" he asked. It reminded me of the whole control thing again.

"Can we ride our bikes?" I asked, I really needed the adrenaline right now.

"Sure, as long as you don t purposefully fall off on me," he added, smiling.

"Oh puh-leeze Jacob. Give me a break!"

" Okay, okay, that was a little harsh. I ll stop."

"Thank you." So we drove back to his house, we grabbed our bikes, well, Jacob grabbed our bikes, and we headed to where we usually ride. We rode for a good hour before the questions decisively started coming.

"How do you do this?" he asked.

"How do I do what?" I was confused. I didn t understand what he was getting at, even though I was sure this wasn t going to end well.

"How do you get through the day knowing that nobody trusts you? Knowing what people think of you, but not knowing if you ll relapse? How can you think of all that, and still be Bella?"

"So you admit that I am still Bella," I said, swaying the conversation. This wasn't really a subject I would like to bring up.

"You came back today, and I saw that. But how did you do it? You were so quiet earlier, and it was like I hit a nerve that caused you to go into ecstasy. You re back, Bella."

"Well, you need a good sense of humor. That definitely helps, and more than anything, you have to remember that not everyone thinks you are a freak. It could be that 99% of people think you are insane, but you have to remember that there is that 1% that still wants to make you feel important."

"Am I part of that 1%?" he asked. This was getting a bit uncomfortable for me, but I was used to being uncomfortable. At this point, comfort was overrated.

"Yeah, Jake you are." I smiled.

"Is Edward?" Did he really just say that?

"He tries, but I know him too well. I can see in his eyes that he thinks that I changed. He wants me back like you did."

"Wait, but that's the same as me, so..."

"No, there s a difference." I cut him off, "Edward thinks that I left. That I am a totally different person and that he needs to find Bella and bring her back to me. You thought that Bella never left, that she was just locked up somewhere, and you made it your goal to free her."

"Isn t that the same thing?"

"Not entirely, no,'' I disagreed, trying to explain it to him. Make him see it my way. ''You both had practically the same mission, but in a way, you had more faith in me than he did. Thank you."

"You re welcome?" he asked, unsure of what just happened. Honestly, I wasn t sure either. I was just glad that I was back, and that I had Jacob back. Everyone was back, and everything was fine.

We went back to the house and just talked and watched movies for the rest of the night. When I finally looked at my watch it said, 10:30 I need to go, I said, reluctantly. I pulled out my cell phone and called Edward. Hello? he answered on the first ring. I could hear his car starting up in the background.

"Can you come pick me up at the line?" I asked, Jacob started walking outside to start his car up.

"Yes, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Edward, I m fine. I m just really tired, that's all," I assured him.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Alright I ll be there soon. I love you with all of my heart."

" As do I, Edward."

"Goodbye, Love."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and walked outside to Jake's Rabbit. He drove it around everywhere now that it was finished.

We got to the line and said our goodbyes. Edward was waiting there for us, and as soon as I crossed the line, he ran and picked me up into his arms. If I hadn't caught him out of the corner of my eye, I wouldn t have even known that Jake snuck out. I did sort of feel bad for him, but I loved Edward. Nothing else compared to that. Not even Jacob.

"What did you do with Jacob today?" he asked trying to make conversation. He opened my door and allowed me to climb inside. He ran around to the other side and started driving.

"We rode the bikes and then we watched movies until I called you." I said as I yawned, and layed my head down on Edward s shoulder.

"Why don t you go to sleep? I'm sure Charlie's passed out in the living room by now and I can carry you upstairs without waking either of you up." As if to add to my tiredness, he started rubbing my head with his hand in a relaxing motion. I didn t have time to respond, because my tired eyes shut closed and brought me into a peaceful bliss of slumber.

Everyone was back, and everything was going to be just fine.

* And that's a wrap! I hope you all enjoyed this finale, and please leave any final thoughts you have. Anything you want to write, write. Also, a few other notes:

- Thank you to my beta since the beginning of this madness, Mitxi. She is amazing, and I can't thank her enough.

- I am currently writing a few other stories, one being Family Re-United and it is about Jasper, Edward, and Emmett all having sisters who end up being reunited with them and the family moments they have together. It is very popular and I highly recommend it. Another story is Whittle Whitlock, and it is similar, but it is just Jasper having a sister. I adopted that story from Kyjana. My third and final story is from the series Vampire Academy, and it is about Dimitri's sisters and Rose. If you have any other ideas for a story, and would like me to write them, just PM me and I'll see what I can do.

- Thank you all so much! You have been extremely patient with me over the past month, and this was by far my most popular story with 53 reviews (right now) and 3,528 hits (!) thank you all so much!

LeXi 333


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